JOE COOK: A NOT SO SHORT STORY. ( I DID NOT FALL IN/SLIP THROUGH THE  CRACKS)

I guess this is my attempt at a journal:

Wanted to make a Prologue about how important this journal has been. Not only has it been a challenge/therapy/help to my memory with all of its’ editing and rewrites, it has helped communication with my wife and aids. It also has been a good way to bring people who haven’t seen me much up to speed on “me”. Old friends also can see that the “old Joe” is still here, even though I talk with a slur and am in this wheelchair that I am used to but they are not. All in all, a good/cool idea..

Two important things about my journal. The first has to do with confidentiality. I forgot, when my privacy went “out the window”, that may not have happened to Karen. Therefore, she has to have the right to delete (not change) anything she wants. Second, I was sharing the journal with my aid this morning, Victoria, and she suggested adding some text, today, to bring everyone up to speed on me. My “story”. Here goes. I am 47 years old. I have a wife of 24 years, Karen, a 15 yr old daughter, Carrie, and a 3 yr old daughter, Krissy. I am a CPA and a tax/business lawyer, the son of a lawyer. My dad, who passed away from cancer about 6/7 years ago, was a strong influence, very honest and forthright. I had just made it to “Partner” at the law firm and was a member of “Leadership Akron”. I was on my way to follow a doctor around for the day the morning of my accident (a little more than 2 years ago). An unusual snowstorm had hit that morning. There was ice everywhere. There was an unusually high number of accidents that morning (so I heard later). I remember very little about that morning or the accident, but woke up a couple of months later in the hospital. Apparently, I had been in a coma for approximately 35/40 days. One of my first memories is the transfer to Edwin Shaw for rehabilitation. I was there for around 5 months. One of my clearest memories there is the feeling of helplessness and the desire to help others in my shoes if I could only get better. It was/is a great place for rehabilitation. Initially, there was some concern about my coming home. There are those who thought the best thing for me and Karen was for me to go to a nursing home. But we both thought we could handle it at home, thank God. Initially I was in a hospital bed in our dining room and showered at my mom’s (ours is on the 2d floor). After a few months we got a lift to carry me up the stairs to the 2d floor. Thank you Workers Compensation. As I read the brain injury support site on the Internet, it is apparent to me that, financially, Brain Injuries are normally a disaster. Lots of people lose their jobs and lots more or their jobs and everything else become an extreme burden. Not true for me, Thank You God. Financially, I should be OK, even without my job. Well that’s the quick and dirty on how I got here.

It is February 22, 2004. Sunday Afternoon and I am killing time until church. Thinking about having a cigarette. So far only 2 today, 5 yesterday, 4 on Friday and Thursday, 3 on Wednesday and 0 on Tuesday. 10 on Monday and every day prior for 2 months. 2 packs/day until 15 yrs ago. Promised Anne (my sister) this morning that I would use my right hand and 5/day max. Quitting when I get out of this chair.

My God, how much I love Karen and the kids. At once, both my support and motivation. I couldn’t have made it this far without them, for sure.

Hello. It’s now the 23d. Monday. My aid this morning was Genie. Good as usual. We both agree that GOD has something in mind for both of us. She is very interested in the Ballinger house (a proposed brain injury respite). As am I. We both feel a great desire to help those who, like me, have lost it all, almost. And have the desire/need to get as close to better as they can. Our society just doesn’t have the resources necessary, yet. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is a special situation, with tremendous potential. According to several Doctors, I shouldn’t be writing this now!

Hey, the 25th. Missed yesterday. What a difference a day makes!! My aid yesterday morning was Mike. Very cool. It was the 1st time I dressed myself in bed and transferred myself to my wheelchair from bed, The 2d time was Karen and me about an hour ago. INDEPENDENCE!!!! FREEDOM FOR KAREN!!!! Wow, 2 years and 3 weeks from my accident. At once, a very long time and also not long enough for some things. Will have to work on it before we move the chair next to the bed at night though. Back to Mike. Yesterday, he told me he was going on vacation, to Florida, for a week, something personal/family that he had to do. I told him that when he got back, I would be an ex-smoker. His last words to me were “see you Tuesday”. Since it was Tuesday, that meant 1 week. He also told me that he told the office that either they assign him to me or he would quit. He said they agreed? They called this morning and said “no aid” this AM, that Mike no longer worked there!!!!! Figure that one out!!! Hopefully this will all get straightened out in a week. Meanwhile, off to water therapy for me.

Water therapy was good, as usual. It is now the 27th, WARMTH!! It is now 47 degrees. The 10 day forecast has it above freezing every day, and most nights. Yesterday and today, I have gone out on the deck several times. Beats the garage for smoking. Yesterday, I saw the barn in the lot next door and was reminded that Jim (my golfing buddy) was going to fix it up for me. I called him for the first time in about 1 month. He is going to come over and look at it. Had my monthly doctors appointment this AM.. Everything looked good. He said my legs were probably going to stay a little swollen forever. Consequence of the blood clots and screens. Guess I had better get used to wearing these darned hose. We were going to check out day care today, but Karen got too busy, as usual. Guess we will try tomorrow. Chrissy is now officially diaper trained. Whew! Man, Karen needs the break! Went to Gymboree last night with Karen and Krissy. Cool as always. Man, it is hard to believe we did that with Carrie almost 11 or 12 years ago.

Hi, now March 5th. 1 week has gone by. It was a busy week. No word from Mike. Richard has taken his place and is good with therapy too. Water therapy twice, Steve was back. Went to lodge Tuesday. Saw Jim Wednesday. Brought him over here after therapy until 10 PM. Lots of computer. Stopped by Craftsmen Park on the way here to show Jim. Hope it works out for him this summer, mowing lawn. Gymboree last night, fun as usual. Weather is unusually warm. Right now its 70 degrees! Of course, very windy. Makes it a pain to go out in my chair. Forecast is 50/60 tomorrow and back to 30/40 by Monday and for the week. Beats 20!

Now it’s Thursday, March 11. Busy week. Walked at the Mall Monday. No Rotary , I went to the library with Karen and Kristen instead. No lodge either, bible study instead. Therapy was good, as usual. Steve really worked on my right arm. Neil Young is tonight! Terry, a former aid, is taking me, Neil is not one of Karen’s’ favorites, unlike me. Can’t wait for Terry to notice the changes since he last saw me. Lost weight, am stronger and more in control. Weather is as predicted. Today, hopefully, will be the last day of winter. Jim may call/stop by before the concert or tomorrow/Saturday. Richard says he believes I will be able to walk this Summer/Fall. Dare I hope? I started keeping track of my cigarette smoking.. 6/7 yesterday and probably 9/10 today, too many. The concert is a good excuse though. My goal is 6/7 per day 3 days per pack. Used to be ½ pack/day.

Thursday, March 18. Yesterday was Carrie’s 15th Birthday. We went to the Olive Garden for dinner to celebrate. She is so awesome. Reminds me of myself, except the stubborn part, Chrissie got that. Jeannie was my aid yesterday and today. I showed her something I am happy with, my ability in the last couple of days to wiggle my left toes (a little). She was very happy too. The mind is an amazing thing. Therapy yesterday. Steve couldn’t be there because his father-in-law died unexpectedly, very sad. His fill in was good though, same one as a month ago. She remarked very positively on my progress in the last month. Cool. Got Juno for Jim, prepaid a couple of hours. Hopefully, today we will be able to golf on-line instead of him having to be here! Way cool! He was here Monday and worked his ass off. Painted the basement stairs, cleaned up outside, and lots of little things. Good for us and him! Weather took an unexpected return to winter. 7 or 8 inches of snow in the last 2 days. Supposed to melt by Sunday though. Hope it does. Counseling this AM and Gymboree tonight. Hopefully golf this afternoon? Told Jeannie of my desire to speak/counsel to patients at Edwin Shaw. I made it on my own, but what about those who may need a little encouragement? The Doctors will play it safe, as usual, and tell everyone to expect the worse. And then there would be me, a living/talking/walking (?) vegetable! If I can help/motivate 1 person/family, I’ll be ecstatic.

Friday, March 19. It is 5:30 in the AM. I woke up at 5:00, wet. Unfortunately, I fell asleep last night trying to pee in a pee bottle and it spilled in the bed. I still got 6 hours of sleep though, unlike Karen. She cleaned me up, cleaned the bed up, and went to bed upstairs. What a trooper. She didn’t even complain, said only “pee happens”. I shared my journal with Ray (my counselor) yesterday. He thought it was a good idea, both keeping it and sharing it. Guess my need for privacy has gone the same place as most everything else, out the window. He suggested I add how I felt about the things I write about, we’ll see. Last night was Gymboree. Chrissie loved it, as usual. I spent most of yesterday trying to figure out how to get Jim up on Juno so we can play games together over the internet without being together. I figured it out and called him to find out his modem is apparently broken, news to both of us. I’ll try and have John Strong fix it Saturday. Maybe then? Oh well. It’s now 6:00AM,, time for a smoke (½). I have gone to smoking ½ a cigarette many times. 3:00. Just back from Gymboree/art and it was cool, as usual. Visited the hobby/craft shop while we were there. Thinking about a doll house for Chrissie. Is she old enough? 6:00. Personal touch just called. No aid either tomorrow or Sunday. Bummer. That is until Karen got the idea to call Terry. An aid from some time ago that I really liked and who really liked me until he got a better job. Remember Neil Young? That Terry. Anyway he said he would/could fill in. Cool!! 7:40. Just had dinner with Karen and her dad. Steak, GRILLED OUT. Mmmm. Now a movie and cards. 9:05. Karen and her dad are finishing the movie. Karen won at cards, barely. Can’t wait to show Terry how much I have improved over the last few months. The concert was great, by the way. Cool thing was, the door to the van froze shut and Terry had to load me into the van in the front seat for the ride home. First time in 2 years. Wasn’t that hard, by the way. I was able to help a lot more than in the past. Karen even was able to do it the next day too. Van door is fixed now, Oh well. Back to the back seat, much easier on both of us. Tomorrow AM Terry gets to read my journal. Beat Karen at cards one last time before bed. It is now 11:30. Time for a last cigarette and bed.

Now it’s Saturday, March 20. The last day of winter. Spring starts tomorrow. The snow in the yard is melting, should be gone today. It’s raining and 40 degrees. Terry was cool, as usual. Lots of catching up. Looked at concerts at Blossom. He had some good ideas for work for Jim. Looks like we will be able to use him going forward. No Workers Comp because the agency he works for is not Workers Comp certified., so it will cost more but Terry offered to take a small pay cut to offset it. Point is, he is now available.

Sunday, 1st day of SPRING!!! Terry just left. We are going out to Brunch with my mom and sister, Anne. She is in town to make plans for my niece’s wedding. After that, Jim is supposed to come over around 1:00. We have church at 5:30. Busy day. 9:30, just back from church. Freak snowstorm. Really bad in Akron. Jeannie tomorrow. Can’t wait to show her how much I can wiggle the toes on my left foot.

Monday, the 22d. Jeannie this morning. She was real impressed by the amount of movement in my toes and that I could feel them very good., which I could not before. Unsure of who my aid will be the next 2 days. No water therapy this week, they are cleaning the pool. Karen plans to make up for it though. To start with, we are walking with my walker here this afternoon with my sister, Anne. 12:30, almost lunch time. Killing time. Talked with Jeannie this AM again about what I could do to help someone at Edwin Shaw. She thought sharing my journal would help some, to give hope to those without as much support as me. Cool thing. One of my fellow board members at the Ballinger House, the rep from Joni and Friends, was at church last night. She came to our group after services. Turns out we go to the same church. Karen knew this, but I had forgotten. The last board meeting was at Amer Cunningham (my firm). We are trying to show we are separate from Edwin Shaw. We decided at the board meeting to have our next one at the Chapel. Wow, just counted, I have 3 full pages in my journal for the first month. Started slow, but as I get used to it, my training as a lawyer is coming through, very verbose.

Tuesday, the 23d. Bummer, I went to share my journal with Rich (my aid on Tuesdays) and realized I had accidentally deleted it. Good thing I printed it for Anne & Walt yesterday! Now Karen just has to (she volunteered) retype it. Rich read an older version though and liked what he read. It is now 11, time for Rotary. It’s now 5:30. Rotary was cool. AAA did a presentation on Travel In Ohio. I came home, had a smoke, and later Karen reminded me that I had agreed to practice standing after each smoke and quit by the end of the year. I have had 2 since and stood each time. Like it. Want to lower the hand grips a couple inches though. Will help me stand longer, less strain on my left arm/hand. Thinking about quitting smoking before the end of the year. That’s how serious I am about walking. Just got done with my Bible study homework. Class tonight. Best stuff I have read in a while. Focus was on people/relationships between the “strong” Christian and the “non” Christian . Was more about people in general than I have seen in some time. Very true/accurate and cool. Feel like I am less “at risk” for being Christian. Good stuff. Just got back. It’s around 9:30. As I thought tonight was cool. Gone for 4 hours though. Worth it.

Wednesday the 24th. No water therapy this week. The pool is getting its annual cleaning. Hair cuts are the agenda, mine, Karen’s and Kristen’s. Just finished lunch. It is now midnight. Not only got my haircut, but also fixed my journal, which required retyping a third of it or more. PHEW!!! Glad that is over with!

Thursday the 25th. Jeannie just left. Good, as usual. Talked with her at breakfast about helping those who have “slipped through the cracks”. So many people with TBI just do not fit into the societal definition of “normal”. One thing about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), it definitely does not discriminate. I want to go to Edwin Shaw and ask them for their “tough” cases. Those who just do not seem to “fit in”. I think these are the greatest risk/reward cases. I only hope I can handle it. Went to Buhler’s last night, saw their motorized carts and remembered how much I used to like going with Karen because of the carts. I forgot, but until last July, my chair was not motorized. Lots more work for Karen for the first 8 or 9 months. Again, thank you Workers Comp. It is now 4:00. No hose today. Jeannie commented this morning before putting them on how normal my legs looked. She didn’t know it, but I had no hose on yesterday, they were not clean. Maybe they cause more problems than they solve? So I am trying today without them. We’ll see tomorrow. Gymboree tonight. Looking forward to it. Just back from Gymboree. Weather is 65 degrees. Checked out the doll house. Looks good. We are going to see it tomorrow. Karen said my legs felt swollen. Darn. Will make sure tonight. Printed the journal for Karen. She has not read it since Walt was here. We’ll see what she thinks. She not only liked it, she thinks I should share it with Edwin Shaw now? Guess that’s one way to find out if I can help others with it.

Friday, March 26th. Yep, legs were swollen. Back to the hose. Victoria this AM. Had her proofread the journal. Only a few minor changes. Good. Gymboree at 12:20. Looked at dollhouses again. Karen didn’t come, she had to come home. One I want is on sale till next Wednesday. They are even open on the weekends, who knows? Also saw a couple of things that interested me. Model airplanes that actually fly, also, remote controlled ships. Cool on the pond? Now it’s 5:00. Raining but supposed to be a nice weekend. 50's,60's and partly sunny, mild winds. Can’t wait. Karen is napping. Carrie is babysitting (I think/hope). Finally figured out the new pay per view. Karen couldn’t. Can’t wait to show her. Maybe we will watch something tonight? 8:15. Karen had to take Carrie somewhere, so dinner got delayed. Any minute now. Can really feel my toes in my left foot now. Can’t wait to see how/if it helps me walk. Feeling so good about it, I now really believe I will be able to walk. This Year. COOL. Just need to build up those muscles again. Feeling my right arm more each week too. If, God willing, I can pull this off, the only strong/permanent effect of my accident may be my right eye. A muscle controlling the retina got detached and grew back/reattached wrong. That’s OK though. A permanent/constant reminder of how fragile life is and how we take it for granted. I can only see good through my left eye. The right is OK, but blurry. So I now squint. If that, a limp, my hose and lousy memory are all I have to live with as a result of all this, THANK GOD!!! Dinner is over. Chicken. One thing I haven’t talked about here is my weight. Gained about 40 or 50 pounds after the accident. Went on a diet 2 or 3 months ago though and, so far, have lost about half of that. Karen got gestational diabetes when she was pregnant with Chrissie and the doctor put her on this diet. It is a good one that she has used since. Now, I am using it. So far, so good. Weighing less is very important in my situation. Especially trying to walk again.

Saturday - March 27th - Victoria this morning. Good as usual. She read the changes to my journal and liked them. I told her it was OK to share it with her hubby. Not confidential anymore. She also feels it would be good/helpful to share it with patients at Edwin Shaw. Has an uncle who is in a wheelchair and feels it would have been good for him in the beginning. We are going to Montrose shopping for Carrie this AM/PM. Jim is coming over tomorrow. Claims he is making so much with his current job he is no longer interested in mowing at the Park. Good for him. Just back from Montrose. Staying home from the play tonight, so Carrie & her boyfriend are coming here instead. 5:00. Felt like I was a partner today instead of a passenger. 9:00. Karen stayed home too. Just got off the phone with Jim. Cool, He is coming over tomorrow with a friend to get rid of the trees in the lot next door which came down over the winter and to measure it for the fence for the new horses, a pony for Krissy and 1 for a friend who has promised to help pay for the improvements.

Sunday, March 28 - Victoria again. Good, as usual. Reread Friday. Should have mentioned that, because of a scheduling conflict with Gymboree, Thursdays, I had temporarily stopped going to my support group at the Chapel. Too bad because that support group has Ray Tenney in it. He is the one I give credit for my decision to do water therapy. Apparently, he had been in a bed on his back for several years. But someone suggested water therapy and after 6 months, he was walking, with a cane but still WALKING. So, after hearing his story, decided to try it for myself. Good decision. Has been great for me. Just goes to show how important support groups can be. Thank You, Chapel and Thank You Ray. 8:45. Jim is supposed to come around lunchtime. Victoria suggested adding the following. This morning she said how proud I should be of how far I had come and how much work its been. My response then and now is I should take no credit for it, GOD is responsible, got that feeling strongly while I was in Edwin Shaw. 10:30. Karen just left to take Carrie to work. Yesterday she was, and hopefully today will be, going to the music store to replace the G string that busted on my guitar. Playing the guitar has been, and will be, one of my passions. Got too busy to play much for the last 15/20 years, but have always liked it. Learned to play when I was a kid. Now, I think it would also be good therapy for my right arm. One of my fantasies has been/is to play on stage during church. They have a great Christian rock band at the Chapel. I can strum (not much else) with the best of them. 4:00. Jim just left. Him and a friend cut up the 2 trees in the lot next door. Gave him a copy of my journal. Waiting now for Church. Talked to him about Church. Said he would come with us sometime in the next few weeks. Weather was great today. 70 degrees and sunny! 69 now! Supposed to rain later in the week though. 10:50. No church. Karen wasn’t feeling well. She beat me at cards though. Tired, to bed. Water therapy tomorrow.

Monday, March 29th - 4:00 PM Slowly, Slowly but surely. Water therapy this AM. Measured my left ankle and the angle had improved 2 or 3 degrees. Cool. No change in my right arm though. Focus in last week has been my ankle. Can’t forget my arm. Very little change in my walking too. Bummer. Have to wait and see if there is any improvement in my mall walking. May take all summer, but, I am going to walk this year. Thanks to my stubbornness. 8:00. Jim called and said he had just finished my journal and was very impressed. Karen’s’ Dad and her friend, Amy, are over and stayed for dinner. They are filling out a survey for our bible study. Has to be done with “ non” church goers. Lost my temper filling out the survey. I was/am right handed and the accident mainly messed up my right side. Always very hard to write, anything. 9:00. Karen’s’ dad just left. Karen, Amy and I watched a movie.

Tuesday, March 30th - Rick this AM. Good. Updated him on my journal. Had Rays at 10:00. Shared my journal with him. In its’ entirety. Good.. Rotary at 11:30. Good presentation on OPEN M program. Came home and did the survey for Bible Study, with Karen’s’ help. Now it’s 3:30. One of the guys from Indian Princesses was at Rotary and gave me his e-mail address. I wanted to (and just did) share my journal with those guys. I met/camped with those guys and Carrie for 4 or 5 consecutive years before my accident and then just disappeared. I am sure they heard what happened to me. But Carrie is too old now. However, looking forward to doing it with Chrissie when she is old enough (1 and ½ years). The tribe we started back then is still in existence. A couple of the same guys, but mostly younger guys. 7:00. Am thinking about quitting smoking now. Will help me walk. That has to be/is my goal #1. 10:00. Did it. Had Karen get me THE PATCH. Tomorrow is day #1 without cigarettes. We’ll see.

Wednesday, March 31st - It’s 10:00 AM. Getting ready for water therapy. No smoking. Victoria this AM. Good. Tomorrow is April Fools day. Therapy was good except we had to take off the Patch. Put it back on after but it didn’t stay. Looked for replacement but they were misplaced. So I broke down and had a couple of smokes before bed. Try again when we find them.

Thursday, April 1st - April Fools Day. Still no patches so I am smoking. Jeannie in morning. Good. Gymboree at night. Stopped in the Hobby store next to Gymboree and bought a sailboat for the pond. Will take about 1 week to put together. E-mailed my sister Sue and said only that I “bought a sailboat”. They used to have one. They live real close to Lake Champlain. She e-mailed me back wondering how I was going to sail? I replied “April Fools” and told her it was only a model. Looking forward to seeing her in June for my nieces, Katie, wedding. Butch, from Indian Princesses, e-mailed me on how much he appreciated my journal. Said he even learned a couple things. Hmmmm. I figured out his youngest will still be there, in her last year, when Krissy and I start, in a couple of years. Never did find a patch. If I don’t find them by tomorrow, I’ll have to buy some more.

Friday, April 2d - Jeannie this AM, Good. Still no patches. Have to buy some more. Gymboree at 12:30. Went to the hobby/craft store to look around. Few good ideas. Kites, an off road buggy/model and a rocket that is based on Star Trek. Started a birthday/wish list. 9:30. Late dinner, chicken & dumplings. Cool, Personal Touch called and said no aid this weekend so Karen called Terry and he can work both days. Also cool, Karen found the Patches and I am quitting again tomorrow. Triple cool, just talked to Jim and he was busy working today. Looks like he is working through the weekend and next week too. Good night!!!!! Well I guess I am going out for my last cigarette, EVER.

Saturday, April 3d - No cigarettes! Terry just left, It’s 10:15. He was surprised and pleased by my wiggling my left toes. Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx. Only 2d or 3d time this year. Shared my newest version of my journal. I need his e-mail. I can update him along with everyone else. He brought me new guitar strings! Have to practice today. Curios to see if I can play good with my right arm the way it is. Going to walk today. Curios about that too. Now 10:30. If you are curious, took me 15 minutes to compose and type the 1st ½ of this paragraph. Now 7:30. Just finished dinner. Walking was good too. Could feel my left leg/foot better. Walked a little further than ever before. Can tell it’s probably going to be a long time though, months. Better than years or never though. 9:00. Cool, Jim just called and said he got the internet/Juno working. Exchanged some test e-mail.

Sunday, April 4th - Spent most of the day on the Internet, playing Backgammon among other things. Found this cool site where you are playing other people on the internet. Even have tournaments. Carrie went to a wedding with her boyfriend. Looked very good and grown up. Makes me feel old (in my mind). Got some pictures.

Monday, April 5th - Cool. Had water therapy, cool as usual. Weighed myself while I was there. Weighed 226 lbs. I have lost approximately 30 lbs. in 3 months. 10/15 lbs. to go to get back to my pre- accident weight. If I keep this up, 1 more month of dieting. Decided to have a cookout/fishing party for all my aids and their families on some Saturday in May. Invited Steve (my water therapist) and he’s coming too. 2:30 and Karen is at the store with Carrie. Barb is here with me and Krissy. Another day of Backgammon. Until 9 or 10, then to bed early to make up for the hour I lost last night due to daylight savings time.

Tuesday April 6th - Rick is here and before he leaves, since he says he is going to see Mike, I wanted to make this entry. I really feel that Mike should get a large part of the credit for me doing this journal. Like I entered on 2/22, I was really just killing time. Mike gave me, in large part, the motivation/need to write something down. His last day (so I know now) as it turns out was that day. The day I first dressed/transferred myself at his insistence. THANK YOU MIKE. Rick was good, as usual. Now, 9:30. Actually, the largest part of the credit for this Journal should go to GOD. If you read my second entry, it appropriately gives credit to GOD for my situation/motivation. Before that, I thank Karen and the kids, appropriately also. After them, my aides, Mike, Jeannie, Rich, Victoria and Terry should get most of the credit for me doing as good as I am. Not to forget my mother and mother-in-law. Well, off to Rotary. Rotary was a good presentation on efforts to renew/restore downtown Wadsworth. After Rotary, Karen, Krissy and I got ice cream at the ice cream stand and went to a new park in Wadsworth. Came home and played backgammon till dinner. After dinner I watched American Idol with Karen and went to bed early.

Wednesday, April 7th - Water therapy wore me out. Steve said my legs were getting stronger so he had to work them harder. COOL. My Mom lost at cards in the afternoon. Still no smoking. Karen and I are going out to the movies tonight. Carrie is babysitting. Saw HIDALGO at the movies. Great movie, especially if you like horses or westerns. Cinematography was great. Came home and played poker on the net with Jim. He got his computer and Juno working. Saw John Martin at the movie. Worked with John for several years until our law firm split up a few years ago. Good guy. Promised to send him my journal.

Thursday - April 8th - Jeannie was good as always. Reread my journal (good for my memory). Now it’s lunchtime. Went for a walk/stroll with Karen and Krissy down River Styx. Cool. Went to Gymboree with Karen and Krissy. Home, dinner and cards/computer then bed.

Friday April 9th - Jeanie this AM, then Gymboree. Mom and I taught Carrie how to play Euchre in the afternoon. Her boyfriend tried to teach her and she was confused. Problem solved. 5:30 now everyone is napping. We are coloring Easter eggs this evening. It’s 51 degrees and sunny. Looked at model airplanes to fly at the hobby shop. Decided that my right hand needs to get a little stronger/more flexible first. So the ship is 1st which will be good therapy for my right hand. May not be able to sail it till the ground dries more anyway. Then model airplane or blimp. Other than that, it has been computer, Poker and Backgammon. Still no smoking, except I have cheated and smoked ½ a smoke, very occasionally, 2 or 3 times a day. Should be OK though, did that 16 years ago and still quit.

Saturday, April 10 - Spent most of the day on the computer. Poker and Backgammon. Victoria in the AM, good.

Sunday, April 11 - Easter. Good day for Krissy. Carrie went to Church this AM with Dan. Going to my moms’ this afternoon and church tonight. This morning was very cool with Krissy. She had an Easter egg hunt 1st thing. Very fun to watch from the deck. Then she came inside, found her Easter basket, and she has been busy since. Can’t remember last year. Then, neither could Karen, so some forgetfulness is normal and not due to my TBI. Went to my mom’s for Easter Dinner/lunch. Karen’s’ mom and Walt (my ex-Brother-in law) were there. Played euchre there with Carrie, my mom and Karen. Carrie has recently learned to play. Came home and computed. Had a late sandwich and went to bed. Only 2 one-half cigarettes.

Monday, April 12th - Jeannie in the AM. Good as always. Water therapy in the Morning. Computed in the afternoon. Support group meeting at Edwin Shaw in the evening. Tried playing pool for the 2d time in 2 ½ years. Not very good, but didn’t get frustrated/angry like the 1st time. Problem is trying to shoot left-handed. May have to wait for my right hand to get closer to normal. Saw Ray Tenney and told him I would send him my journal. Just heard that the Grateful Dead are playing Blossom this Summer, have to give Terry a call.

Tuesday, April 13th - Rick this morning. Very Good. Turns out he is a Dead fan. Going to the concert with me/us. Had Ray also. Good counseling session. Lunch at Rotary. Didn’t go to Seville with them due to the rain/cold. Forecast for this weekend is 70 and sunny though. Computer in the afternoon. Took Jim grocery shopping and out to dinner/fast food this evening. He needed a little help and even (unlike usual) asked for it. He is getting $$ this Thursday/Friday from Unemployment. Even though we said it was a gift, he insisted he was going to work it off later this spring. Left foot now feels 90% normal. Overall, a good day. Wow, just counted. This journal has about 2 pages for the first month and, so far, 9 for the 2d.!!!

Wednesday, April 14th - Rick this morning too, then water therapy. Had a couple thoughts on the way home about journal entries. The first was based on the Title of a new book. “The Purpose Driven Life”. I feel strongly like my life now has a purpose. That of giving hope/encouragement to people who are going through what I have been through in the last 2 years as a result of my accident. There was very little hope or encouragement for me and Karen in the very beginning, which is when we needed it most. I feel very fortunate to have gotten this far. I worry about those without as much support as me or not as stubborn as me. I need to help them. The second thing was computers. Mine has been a lifeline for me. Starting with doing my journal and going to being the way I hook up to the outside world. There should be a way to get computers/lessons to those who can benefit. Went to Jim’s after therapy to drop off some cookies that were dropped in our car. Rest of the day has been my journal and computer. It is now 8:00 PM.. Watched TV and went to bed early.

Thursday, April 15 - For the last 15 years this has been TAX day. A day that marked the end, for a while, of my overtime at work and meant more time with my family. Now it is just another day, like any other. Jeannie in the AM. Had her read my entry for yesterday and my prologue. Funny, but she feels the same way about OUR Purpose. Lunchtime - Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx with Karen and Krissy. 4:15. Just got back from the Workers Compensation Doctor. Walked for him with my walker. Interesting, he applauded my “bravery”. I have never thought of it that way. Always attributed it to being stubborn. 8:00. Just done with Gymboree/dinner. Did some minor editing. Computer, then bed.

Friday, April 16th - Was wondering what I was going to put for an entry today, then it hit me. For the last 2+ years I have had no “minds eye”. What I mean is the ability, in my mind, to imagine or picture things. I have laid in bed for the last few mornings trying to picture the rest of my house. The inside of it. I was able to “picture” my last house and the house I grew up in, but not my house. Not any more. I can now “picture” my house interior. It is hard for me to tell you how important that is. I not only felt like I was missing something but that things were not quite “normal”. NOT ANY MORE. COOL. It is like my mind is “waking up”. Now 4:30. Jeannie this AM. Good as usual. Talked to her about making the above entry so she wouldn’t have to wait till Monday to hear the good news. Gymboree at lunchtime and then errands with Karen and Krissy. Dinner then computer and bed. Talked with Jim and he is coming over tomorrow and Sunday to set up our porch, do laundry and visit.

Saturday, April 17th - New aid this morning, Kim. Young (21) and not very experienced but still pretty good. Had her read my journal. Figured it was the best way for her to get up to speed on “me”. She liked it, even said she learned some things by being here. Surprised me but she said they told her it was a good place to work, that she would learn some things. Wonder if they said that a year ago? Jim came over this afternoon. Spent most of the day/night/Sunday morning and afternoon with him. The weather was glorious, 70's and partly cloudy. Lots of outdoors and computer. The cool thing about outdoors is that the ground is finally dry enough for me to go out in my wheelchair. Guess I had better get started on my sailboat.

Sunday, April 18th - As I mentioned above, Jim was here for the morning and afternoon. Got our porch/deck furniture set up. More outdoors and computer. Same great weather. Then we went to Church. Had an interesting insight on the way home from church. When I was a teenager and stopped going to church, it was because I thought, as most (including mine) teenagers do, I knew it all. Back then, God is Truth was good enough for me. Not anymore. Of course we could debate this one, and I would enjoy that. Now I believe God is better than the truth. However, truth applied for the betterment of mankind is a very righteous thing. The best way we have found to do that, I think, is democracy.

Monday, April, 19th - Mid-afternoon for me. Water therapy this AM. Good. I can tell I am stronger and can do more therapy than in the past. Tires me out though. Had a couple insights on the way home. First is it was very important for us, took a year+ , to build a good team of aides and helpers. Seems like we always had 1 good person and then lost them for various reasons. Now, with my water therapist and morning aides, I have a team of 4 people I am very happy with. Further, I am not afraid of asking them for help. Used to be, before my accident, I was the one with the help. Lucky me. Like I said, it did take a year and a few months. Second thing was I will never be able to look at people the same way I used to. Before, everyone was “normal” or not. I could relate to the “normal” ones. Everyone else got ignored. Now, everyone may be “abnormal” for a good reason, be it stroke, accident or whatever. Now I am the one who often gets ignored because I am different and people don’t want to deal with it. Ballinger House board meeting tonight at the Chapel. Looking forward to it and the “house” in general. May be somewhere I’ll be able to help some people.

Tuesday, April 20th - Day off from therapy for me. Rich this morning, good. Went out in the yard to show him how good my chair handled it. Rotary for lunch then, in the afternoon, GOLF. Edwin Shaw has what they call a “challenger” golf course. Karen signed me up for lessons. Apparently, they are used to people in wheelchairs trying to golf. Will find out exactly how this afternoon. Last night, got the e-mails for the Ballinger House board members so I can share my journal. They were talking about some way to put it, or excerpts from it, on their web page. Scary. Just back from the Challenger golf course. Very cool. Looks like I will be able to GOLF this summer. Maybe left handed, still have to work that one out, and probably not very good to start with, but I still will be golfing. Cool. Just decided that I just had my last cigarette ever. 9:15 PM Computer for a while, then bed.

Wednesday, April 21st - Just got done with my pulley. Vicky this AM. Good, Good stretching. Monday, Jeannie found some pages on the web that covered the importance of stretching before exercise and how to do it. She knew it but found it for Karen and me. Stretching is something Vicki was always good with. Back to my pulleys. Up until today, my right arm was always just along for the ride. Today, I could feel (a little) it pulling my left arm. Cool. Water therapy today. 2:00. As usual Steve wore me out and I slept all the way home (30 mins.). My mom is here so Karen can nap. Karen is going to Toledo tomorrow to look at a pony for Krissy. Sounds good over the phone. After dinner, it was computer then TV and bed.

Thursday, April 22d - Last night, at 10:00, the Agency called and told us that Jeannie was sick, so no aid. We called Terry and, fortunately, he could cover it. He was coming over in the late morning anyway due to Karen going to Toledo. Told him about our Dead tickets. He’s excited too. Bummer, no patches. We are out. Rick was supposed to leave Karen a note on Tuesday to tell her. Somebody messed up. Yesterday was my 1st entirely smoke free (no cheating) day in a while too. Hmmm. 9:00 and I just smoked a couple of butts. Oh well. Now it’s 8:00 PM. Have smoked several ½ cigarettes. 6 or 7 total. Karen just went to get me more patches. Tomorrow will be the day. Terry was here all day. Cool. Giving him our old porch furniture. Practiced the guitar while he was here. Left hand was good. Right just needs some more practice. Karen just called the Agency and Jeannie is coming tomorrow.

Friday, April 23 - Jeannie just left. Good as usual. Had ½ a smoke but went to the last (weakest) patches and it doesn’t bother me that much. That means in 1 or 2 weeks I’ll be an ex-smoker. Cool. Planning for my party and Memorial day weekend may be a problem for her. Will know more on Monday. Karen went to Gymboree without me, at my request. Computed till after lunch, then played cards with my mom. Had an argument with my mom over the pony for Krissy. She did not think Karen would have time to take care of it. I told her to let us worry about that. Bought dinner at a drive-thru and went to Hubbard Valley Park. It is approx. 200 acre park with about a 50 acre lake. Went there a lot last year. Beautiful. Sun set around 8:00/8:30. Cool.

Saturday, April 24th - Victoria this AM., Good. Only smoked ½ a cigarette. Karen and Krissy went to look at a pony, so Terry is here. Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx. Weather was great,. 60's and sunny. Smoked 2 more ½ cigarettes. Karen got home at 7:30. We own a new pony! Now I have to get Jim busy on the fence. We will board the pony for a month. That’s how long he has. Cool. That means that, for my party, we’ll have pony (s)/pasture/barn and the kids should love it.

Sunday, April 25th - Also Victoria this AM, good. Have smoked ½ a cigarette., but I only had 4 or 5 ½ cigarettes yesterday. Considering I went to the smallest patch at the same time, I am pretty happy with myself. Carrie is going to church with Dan. Cool. We are going tonight, as usual. Just got Louis’s e-mail and sent him my journal. Lou was/is my best friend. Lived near each other growing up and went to school together and have stayed in touch for all these years. Played a lot of poker/pool with Lou, that’s for sure. Don’t know if I’ve talked about it here or not, but my dad had a pool table and my house was one of the “hang outs” for my class after High School. Pool and poker were the usual ways to pass time.. That and Rock’n’Roll. Haven’t seen him much since my accident, couple of times, but he is busy with his own family. 9:30. Just got home from church/Bible study. Have not really talked about this here either. Religion. Although I have mentioned God, I have not really talked about it’s influence on me. During my stay at Edwin Shaw, I got the strong feeling I had been touched by God. Of course, I prayed I would get better. But I did get the feeling I had been “touched”. I also got very interested in Religion. I wanted to “track down” the source of my “feeling”. I talked with the Preacher they had on staff and went to their services. I even tried a couple of churches they shuttled to. But, my mother-in-law was active at the “Chapel” and, after trying services there a couple times, felt as if I had found the place/people who could get me in contact with God. I have now gone to services there for a little over a year. There is just something about Knute Larson and his Church that appeals to me. Now, Karen and I go to the Sunday night services because we both really like the Christian Rock they have. Carrie even went tonight and went to a younger Bible study group and liked both the services and the Bible study. They also have classes for 3 year olds that Kristen likes too. Now, Sunday nights/Church will be a family thing. Cool.

Monday, April 26th - Jeanie this AM. Told her something new that just happened this AM. My “minds eye” is now fully functional. This AM, I was able to “picture” the views to our front and back yards. Further, I was able to imagine myself at various spots and “picture” them. Further yet, I could remember my trips to the mall, etc. and “picture” them too. I can tell this is somehow related to the improvement in my memory. COOL. Water therapy at 11:00. Good , as usual. I can tell I am getting stronger. So can Steve because he is pushing me more each time. Just read an article in the Brain Injury Association of America’s spring newsletter by the “Central Park Jogger”. She is also a TBI survivor. Interesting, but I feel pretty much the same way. As she says “I had been thinking that what happened to me, and my recovery, was really a gift, and I wanted to share it and let people know that we can all do so much more than we ever thought was possible.” Around 10:00. Just finished dessert. Dinner was awhile ago. Have had 4 or 5 ½ cigarettes today. All in all, I am happy with my progress in quitting smoking. Got an e-mail from Louis. He liked my journal. Have also been e-mailing the priest at Edwin Shaw. He is starting a volunteer chaplain training program and wants me to participate. After the program, I may then be able to talk to/help patients. COOL. He also wants me to participate in/possibly help lead a “community link” program. Also Cool. Well, I’m up to page 15 and it has been around 2 months since I started this journal. That means a little less than ½ a page/day for the last month. Hope I’m not boring you. There is a little more not included here. This is the “G” rated version of my journal. There is a version where I include comments on my __x life. Another page or so. Around 10:30 now. Time for one last 1/2 a smoke then computer and bed. Rick tomorrow at 7.

Tuesday, April 27th - Joyce. That is the name of a worker at Edwin Shaw who, I think, epitomizes their good attitude. No matter what, as far as I could tell, she had a cheery hello and you could tell she truly cared about you. A very important thing when you are surrounded by uncertainty and not sure which way to turn. Just got back from an employee party/luncheon there we were invited to. Very glad I got to see/talk to her. Worth much more, I think, then she is paid, a little more than minimum wage. But she has been there for a long time and enjoys it. You can tell. Rick this morning. Good as usual. Ray’s this morning too. Good counseling session. Now, it is 2 PM and Karen is napping. Waiting for Carrie to come home in about an hour. Read my journal and really feel it (reading it) helps my memory. Soup and sandwiches for a late dinner. Then computer/journal/cards with Karen until bed.

Wednesday, April 28th - Vickie overslept this AM so Karen had to fill in. Edie came for an hour at 9. She used to come regularly until a few months ago. Water therapy this morning. Good as usual. Thought of a couple things this morning I want to add to my journal. First, I am 6 ft 3 inches. Hence, the title. 2d is some facts from braininjury.com 1)Patients over 40 have a poorer rate of recovery from coma 2)Absence of eye opening in the first 30 days is indicative of a poor prognosis 3)90% of patients who are vegetative for one month or longer will fail to improve to a state better than severe disability. Only 7% of patients with my severity of coma end up with a moderate disability or good recovery. All of which confirms that I am one lucky guy! In the top 7%!!! Computer and backgammon for most of the day. Did it. It’s 7PM and Karen took Carrie and Kristen to the tack shop. I went out to the garage and smoked my last couple of butts. Oh well. That means tomorrow will have to be my 1st entirely smoke free day in a while. I will say that, all things considered, I am still happy with my progress in quitting. Computer, then bed.

Thursday, April 29th - Jeannie this AM. Good as usual. Caught her up on my journal. She agreed with getting non-profit $$ as one of our focuses. Also computers for the disabled. Also caught her and me up on my e-mail. Very affirming to me. People seem to be touched by my journal. Seems to me that Gods’ plan is working. Seems as if I’ve been relearning some very basic things. For example, just realized this last night, but I had “forgotten” that wiggling my legs decreased my need to urinate. Now this seems trivial, but it resulted not only in some wet pants for me and embarrassment, but also fear. Fear that I would wet myself/embarrass myself anytime I had to urinate. More than that, that I wasn’t in control and everybody could or would be able to tell. Not anymore! Now, sometimes I did it unintentionally, but the trick was doing it intentionally. Wow, almost 2 years and 3 months since my accident and I am just now figuring out how to urinate. Something I probably learned when I was 2 or 3 years old. The mind is an amazing thing. Now this may sound a bit egotistical, but I do feel this way. Anymore, I feel like GOD is my partner. Not an entity I am subservient to but an entity which, by it’s choice, chooses to look at me as an equal. I have had many law partners over the years and I look at my marriage as a partnership. Both with my law firms and marriage, we are all equally responsible and all share an equal amount of the risks and rewards. I feel like GOD wants to be my partner too. Keep in mind, I feel this is all by his/her/its’ choice for me to look at things this way. I feel IT (GOD) thinks that looking at things this way is best for me and it loves me, like I love it. One thing is for sure, God is beyond my comprehension. Just cheated and smoked a couple of butts. Overall though, still feel like I’m not doing that bad.

Friday, April 30th - PONY DAY. Karen left this AM to pick up Krissy’s new pony, up near Toledo. Jeanie in the AM plus Terry at 9 for the rest of the day. Lots of Computer plus my guitar. Terry even brought over his guitar and re-strung mine. Playing was not as rough as the first time. Even felt like good therapy for my right arm. Long way to go to get back to my pre-accident status though. Will be fun therapy. Karen got home with the pony around dinnertime. After some fast food, we went to the barn. Karen was able to open up a sliding door at the end of the barn and backed our van up so I could watch them with the side door of the van slid open. Very, very cool. The word which best describes watching the two of them together with Krissy riding her new pony is ‘priceless’. The bonding of the two of them over the pony was way cool. I was, very much, thanking God just for the privilege of being there to see it and a few minutes later I got a flash/idea regarding my therapy. My water therapy for the last couple of sessions has run into a problem doing my normal therapy with my left ankle as “frozen” as it is. Steve mentioned yesterday that they may not continue my water therapy beyond next week, that he was going to measure my changes Monday and file them with the State. It would be up to them how long, if at all, I got extended for. The idea I had was to get a specialist. Even if we pay for it, I think we have stumped Steve on my left ankle. I think a specialist is not only needed, I think it would motivate Steve and the State, by and large, follows his recommendation. I got the idea/flash right after Krissy rode Zip, while I was waiting in the van for them for a few minutes and felt strongly my idea was somehow related to my thankfulness to God. Hmmm. Home and some cards, then bed.

Saturday, May 1st - Kim Yoder this morning. As I mentioned before, young and not very experienced, but, a very strong work ethic, which is important and good for her job. Then we went mall walking for the 1st time in a few weeks. Initially, Karen and I were a little bit worried about how I would do after a few week break. Ended up doing great!! Walked further than ever before and I was feeling stronger and more in control. Cool! Then we ran some errands to get Carrie ready for her 1st horse show of this season, tomorrow. Home now and dinner was good, as usual. Wow, I was/am one messed up guy. Just got the report of the workers compensation doctor who saw me on 2/27. Good news is he recommends no return to work due to both my physical and mental (memory) injuries/conditions and considers my inability to work as a permanent condition. One less thing to worry about. I guess that means I’m officially retired now.

Sunday, May 2d - Kim this morning again. Horse show got cancelled due to rain. Spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon fixing my journal. Sent out the last version late at night. Mistake. Entered stuff on wrong day and left out a bunch of people. Going to have Karen proof it this time. Rain, rain and more rain. That is today’s story. Church at 5:30 was good as usual. Bible Study too. Interesting service on prayer. Carrie not only came but brought a close friend (boy) they seemed to like both the services and bible study. Now it’s 9:30. Several people in Bible Study commented on how much they liked my journal and encouraged me to continue. If it weren’t for Karen and the kids, I might get a big head but, they prevent that, especially the 3 yr old. I thank God for Krissy a lot. I am 47, almost 48, with a 3 yr old. Some people are having grandchildren at my age. Been married 25 years too, mostly good. My 1st entirely smoke free day in a while. No cheating, not even 1 drag off a smoke or butt. Not that hard either. Just get the old “longing” once in a while. Gets worst when I am bored.

Monday, May 3d - Well, off to water therapy. Jeanie this AM. Good, as usual. Now it’s 10:00. Have to make sure Karen gets a good stretch in on my ankle before therapy. Have an idea/feeling I just want to get down before I leave. Somehow, I think that the “Praying” taught by Jesus was somehow related/similar to meditation. My sister teaches Transcendental Meditation and has for 15 or 20 years. I learned when I was in college, in Columbus. I definitely feel that meditating has helped me in my struggle. Like getting an hour nap in 20 minutes, among other things, like peace of mind. Good news, just got back from water therapy and my angles of bending and strength had both improved on both my left ankle and right arm. Steve was happy with the results and said the State should have “no problem” with authorizing another month. COOL. THANK YOU GOD. He said that right after I raised the possibility of a specialist. Hmmmm. Karen is at Rays’ for her counseling session and her mom is here doing laundry. Have smoked 2 half cigarettes today. Funny thing is, after I light them and take a drag or two, I lose interest and have no trouble putting them out after a few more drags. The patch is working. Other than that, it’s been computer and backgammon. It is sunny and around 50. The forecast for the end of the week is great. In the 70's and very low (20/30%) chances of rain for 5 or 6 days straight. Supposed to rain Tuesday or Wednesday though. !0:00 PM. Tonight we had a group meeting for the class that’s joining the Chapel. We are in it. About time, after going for a year. Knute was cool, as usual. Other than that it’s been computer. Maybe some cards, then bed.

Tuesday, May 4th - Rick this AM till 9:00. Good. Then computer until 11:00. Then Rotary. Good presentation by a chiropractor on bone disease/illness. Home now and my mom is here with Krissy, Karen is napping. Karen woke up, made dinner and took me to lodge. I haven’t talked much here about lodge, but I have been a Freemason for around 10 or 15 years. Worked my way up the officers line for 5 or 6 years and was Master in 2000 (approx.). Often just referred to as “blue” lodges, the masons have been around here for almost 200 years, I think. I belong to “Akron” Lodge. There are many more in this area. My dad belonged to Akron Lodge too. Some of my best friends have come from lodge. Lodge was tonight. Now it’s 10:30 and I will do computer then maybe cards and bed.

Wednesday, May 5th- Vicki this morning. Good as usual. Before she came, I was sitting up in bed and was able to put my left foot flat on the floor and sit on my right wrist with it bent at 90 degrees. I almost felt normal. Of course, as soon as I moved, my ankle and wrist went back to their “frozen” positions. The point is, that for a few minutes, things felt “normal” and I could see them getting back to normal on a permanent basis. COOL. Now it’s time to get Karen up and go to water therapy. 1:00 and just back from water therapy/lunch Water therapy was way cool. Near the end of our normal session, Steve asked me if I felt like taking a risk. It had been a good session so I said “sure”. He said he wanted to try something new, for me to try walking up the steps to get out of the pool. I said “let’s go for it”. We did and I did too. That is, I got out of the pool without the lift that normally lifted me up and in/out of the pool. I used the 6 or so steps to get out and in my wheelchair. The hardest part was turning to sit down, but the strength was there! Now it’s 4:00 and I just finished rereading my journal. Apparently, Ballinger house has decided to include it on their web page or parts of it. Scary but cool at the same time. Whenever I get scared, I think of that guy/girl who had an accident/stroke in the last 2 or 3 months and who is lying in bed, wondering (like I used to) about the future, what’s possible? Hope this helps. Another thing about this AM I wanted to include. This morning, for the first time, I was able to remember the day of the week and the date of the month too. I had tried before and come close but never been sure of both. This morning, for some reason, I was certain and I was right. My memory continues to improve. Now it’s 9:00 and Star Trek just finished. Before that, went to the barn and took some pictures of Krissy with/on the pony for the grandmas for Sunday/Mothers day. Sky-Way for dinner. Have only smoked a few drags from a butt this morning. Since then, have had cravings but put up with them. Karen and Krissy are watching TV so no cards. Now 10:40, Bed. Jeanie tomorrow.

Friday, May 14th - Jeanie this AM.  Good, as usual.  Bummed 2 smokes. That’s it though, for all day.  And no patch. Had ½ a smoke already, 1 + ½ left.  Gymboree today at lunchtime. Don’t think I’m going though.  Couple of weeks ago, Karen would have worried about me being home alone, not anymore.  Stayed home anyway, my cousin, Chris, was supposed to stop by, maybe, but didn’t.  After dinner, had to go pick up Carrie, did, and stopped for ice cream.  Warm, 70's.  Computer, then bed.

Saturday May 15th - Kim this AM, good.  Chris called and is stopping by this afternoon.  Labrador Retriever working day we were going to have was cancelled due to the rain.  Rescheduled to June.  Now 11:00 and so far it’s been backgammon and computer.  Looking at handheld computers on the internet.  Going to have to go see them.   Prices appear very low, under $500? So far, 1/3 of a smoke.  Going to keep it at 2 smokes per day.  Down to 1/3 at a time.  Basically, before and after meals with none before breakfast and one last time before bed..  Still no patches. Now 1:00. Karen is taking in the van to the dealer.  Got it back from the body shop and my sliding door was screwed up. Karen is amazing.  She is not only doing everything she was responsible for before my accident, she now also does everything I was responsible for, and she also has me/my disability to deal with, that and a 3 yr old and a teenager and this house and our laundry and, now, our van.  The list goes on and on and on... Wow. Her plate is full.  Chris, my cousin, was here for a couple hours. Good visit.  Now 9:00.  Have had 2+ smokes today.  Slow day, got bored.  Maybe my limit on weekends will be 3/day.  Bath tonight, thanks to Karen.  Have added to my list of goals.  Now, besides walking before this winter, it includes driving before next summer.   

Sunday, May 16th - Kim this AM too.  Good.  Waiting for Karen to get up and take me to the horse show.  She took Carrie at 7 AM and went back to bed.  Carries classes aren’t until this afternoon.  11:00 now and 55 degrees. Supposed to get up in the 60's/70.  Krissy is up and not making too much of a mess.  Was really impressed with the Sony Clie PDA.  Can’t wait to go to Circuit City and check it out.  Maybe tomorrow?  5:00 and home from the horse show.  Carrie did pretty good.  A 1st, 2d, 4th, 5th and 6th or 7th.  Her classes were all around the 15/20 size.  Her last class is now and Karen brought me home and went back   so she would have room for all Carries’ stuff.  Carrie placed or made the cut in every class, so far.  Had 2 ½ smokes while there. 4 for the day, so far.   Just came in from outside.  It’s beautiful, 65 and only a few clouds.  After a quick dinner, computer, cards and bed.

Monday, May 17th - Jeanie this AM.  Good, as usual.  Good part about it is that she may get Tuesdays back as my aid. Cool.  Water therapy at 11:00 was good.  Steve wasn’t there due to his mother-in-law being ill.  His substitute, Marla, has worked with me in the past.  I didn’t go in by the stairs because I am twice her size, but she was willing.  She had a good session though, giving me some exercises Steve and I don’t usually do.  Lunch, chatted and outside for the afternoon then fast food and Ballinger House board meeting for the nite.  Good meeting.  Decided we would be faith based but not necessarily Christian.  As I’ve said before, TBI does not discriminate.  Although some Board members were leaning towards Christian centered due to the financial impact, it was unanimous to be faith centered but not necessarily Christian.  Now 10:00 and off to chat, then bed.

Tuesday, May 18th - Kim this AM.  Good.  Rotary today.  69 and partly sunny now, it’s 9:00.  1/3 smoke so far. Will probably finish it before Rotary.  Off to chat.  Cool that Ballinger house added a link to the chat site on their web page.  Unfortunately, no internet.  Can’t figure out why either. Have to call John Strong.  John came over and fixed my computer so now I have the internet. Rotary was a presentation by the nutritionist at the local hospital on diet.  The Loner was one of my favorite songs as a teen, by Neil Young.  Funny, that’s what I was until my accident.  Even though I was a married family man, I pretty much kept to myself.  I had what I needed in my family. Everything/one else was secondary.  Not anymore!  This morning, I was working on my pulleys, same as I have for the last year, when Karen pointed out that my right arm was bent at the elbow.  Seems like a small thing but straightening out my arm felt great.  Now my pulleys will be a challenge and good therapy for my right arm instead of just another, boring, muscle builder. Point is, it takes a whole team, including my open mindedness (most importantly), to accomplish such a big challenge as my walking and rehabilitation.  In the past, I would have ignored Karen, graciously.  Now, it’s not just me, but the team that counts/gets things done.  This time it was Karen but other times it has been one of my aides/doctors/therapists/daughters/family members that mentioned something trying to be helpful.  Being so desperate to get better, I opened my mind and started listening.  Thank God.  Lodge tonight.   New guy joining and our normal refreshment person is on vacation so Karen is pitching in.  Since my mva I have only gone to stated meetings on the 1st Tuesday of each month. Before that, I went every Tuesday. Will be fun.

Wednesday, May 19th- Lodge was good except I smoked 2 much, 3 total for the whole day. Didn’t get home till 10:30 though.  Surfed for a few minutes on the internet then went to bed at 11:00. Victoria this AM. Good as usual, especially the stretching of my ankle before any therapy.  She has always been the best at that.  Water therapy at 11:00  with Marla.  Again, she was very good.  Had her at Wadsworth Rittman before I went to Edwin Shaw and liked her then.  Glad she showed up at Edwin Shaw.  Fast food for lunch on the way home.  Then some outside time with Krissy.  Now it’s 3:30, sunny and 72.  Outside and cards with my mom (she won) while Karen napped. Now it’s 6:00 and we are on our way to Church membership class.  Class was way cool.  Up until tonight, as I’ve mentioned, I felt the Chapel was the best way for me to get in touch with God.  We are becoming members.   Tonight was my 2d membership class.  Knute handled it and, in typical lawyer fashion, I asked some really tough questions.   The class was about 30 people.  At this time, I don’t remember all of the questions or his answers but I do feel, strongly, I am now a Christian.  He had great answers to some very tough questions. It’s 11:00 and 65 outside.  Karen is putting Krissy to bed.  Backgammon, then bed.

Thursday, May 20th - Jeanie this AM.  Good, as usual. Won’t be able to start Tuesdays until July because of her kids schedule. Backgammon and chat till dentist , at 12:00.  Had teeth cleaned and, generally, they looked good.  Ran a couple errands on the way home.   Got a sub for lunch.  Barb is here now. Just got back in from a walk./stroll down River Styx.  Took Krissy in her wagon.  Karen is napping and it’s 4:00.  7:30 and waiting for Karen/Krissy to come home from Gymboree.  Karen is bringing home dinner. Should be here any minute. 79 and partly cloudy.  Spent some time outside while they were gone.  Beautiful.  Thank God for this wheelchair and how good it is in the yard.  Pond and barn are cool to go outside to.  Smoking too much.  About 3 or 4 per day.  I get bored and it’s something to do.

Friday, May 21st - Jeanie this AM.  Good as usual.  Decided last night to quit smoking.  Have a plan.  Had Karen buy 1 more week of patches, even had 1 more week on “their” plan.  So this time next week I’ll have had my last smoke, ever.  Actually, plan is to have my last 1 on Monday then to go “patch only” for 3 days, then no more patches as of next Friday.  Have had two ½ smokes so far today.  Now it’s 1:00 and just finished lunch.  Karen and Krissy are at Gymboree. Talked with Jeanie this AM about my new career, volunteering with/for TBI patients/victims.  Have to bring out their “stubborn” side, or determination.   We all have it, somewhere.  Just have to find it for some.  I was lucky, born with the inclination, but my accident and Krissy brought it out for me.  Some people aren’t that lucky and will need some help.  Enter me.  Hmmmm.  Now it’s 1:30 and can’t go outside till later due to the rain last night.  Off to backgammon and chat.  3:30 now, thought this was already entered, maybe not.  Last week, I started being able to move the toes on my left foot, a little. They had been frozen since my mva. Felt about 70% or 80% normal then. 1st time since my mva.  In the last couple days, the control over that has increased to the point I now feel it’s back to 99%.  Cool, Can’t wait to see how/if it helps my balance/walking.  Amazing, 2 yrs and 3 mo. and my mind is still healing itself/rerouting.  Almost feels normal, just weak.  Now it’s 5:30 and we are going mall walking tonight because I want to.  In the past it’s been because I should, therapy. Big difference. I now am certain, I am going to walk, this summer. 9:30 and no walking due to the 3 yr old. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Saturday, May 22d - Victoria this AM.  Good.  Terry came at 9:00 so Karen could go to the Junior 4H horse show in Columbus.  Should be back around 6:00.   Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx Rd., played guitar, went out in the yard and surfed the internet.  As with Jeanie, we both feel strongly that God teamed us up for something.  What, we are not sure of.  Now 8:30, Karen has been home for a few hours,   Carrie will be home later.  She did good, a 3d place and made the cut in a very large class.  Just finished dinner, outside. Its 81 and sunny/sunset.  Terry was very glad that I am now a full faith “Christian”, as I’ve previously discussed, instead of “leaning” towards Christianity.  Chatted, backgammon and bed.

 Sunday, May 23d - Vicki again this morning.  Good.  Then, chatted and went mall walking.  We have an exercise walking machine that I’ve stayed away from because of my poor balance.  Decided today to give it a try, tomorrow.  Need to build up my leg muscles.  Shopped at the mall after walking.  Now it’s 7:00. Just left chat room.  Dinner is almost ready.  No Church or bible study, Krissy made a big mess that Karen is still cleaning up. Chocolate pudding, buttermilk, hay and jelly all mixed up together and on the carpet, furniture and Krissy.  Karen said she wanted me to try an automatic walking machine (treadmill) at Edwin Shaw 1st, before we try ours.  Tomorrow, after water therapy.  Backgammon and chat till bed.

Monday, May 24th - Jeanie this morning, good.  Water therapy was good too.  Marla was able, again, to handle me without the lift.  Just got done with my e-mail.  Now it’s 2:30.  One of the things I did yesterday was window shop for small computers that the disabled could use.  The handheld Sony Clie is good and $500, but the screen is very small and could not be used by anyone with vision problems, which a lot of TBI’ers have.   The next possibility was a laptop instead of a handheld.  Would work, but the price is around $1,000.  What each of these would do is “portable Internet”, which is what I think is needed...  Barb is here with Krissy so Karen can nap. 6:00 and Karen is due to get up shortly.  Tonight she is going to straighten up the barn so the guys from lodge can add a stall. Still planning on pony rides for the youngsters at my party, which is 12 days away.  Did an invitation this morning on the computer, looks good.  Talked to Marla about the treadmill and she thinks I need to improve my left ankle a little more first.  Guess I’ll have to wait a couple weeks.  Until then, only mall walking will build up my leg muscles.  Except that Marla said she would add weights to my legs for water therapy.  Karen finished getting the barn ready.  The guys are supposed to come the week after Memorial Day to build the stall. Chatted, backgammon and then bed.

Tuesday, May 25th - Kim in the AM, good.  Chatted and journal/backgammon till 10:00, then had Rays (counseling).  Then, it was raining, so I skipped Rotary and instead went grocery shopping with Krissy and Karen after it stopped.  The afternoon cleared up and was glorious so I spent some time outside in my chair.  Was so nice, in fact, that I fell asleep in my chair out by the barn/pond for about an hour.  Karen was mowing the back yard with the tractor.  Her dad mowed the front lawn yesterday with the push mower because it was/is so wet. After dinner, backgammon and chatting, then bed.

Wednesday, May 26th - Vicki this Morning, good.  Had her give special attention to my left ankle to help get ready for water therapy.  Then, journal and chatting/backgammon until water therapy

Thursday, May 27th - Jeannie this morning. Good. It’s her early day so it’s now only 9:00 and she left an hour ago. Off to chat. Nice day. Spent a lot of it outside. Masons, With Karen, at 7:00.
Those guys (Scottish Rite Masons, not “blue lodge” Masons) had their officer installation tonight. At the end, almost, they gave me a plaque recognizing my years of service. Before my mva, I was treasurer and a board member as well as an officer. Home, to bed.

Friday, May 28th - Jeannie this AM too. Good. Went downtown to work at lunchtime. Even had lunch from Papa’s pretzels like I used to. Visited mostly, Karen had some paperwork to help with on my Guardianship. Home at 4:00. Spent the last few hours computing, journal and backgammon. Karen mowed. Now, it’s 7:30 and dinner is on its way. Haven’t talked much recently about my smoking. Have been off the patches for 2 days. So far so good. Only “cheated” a couple times in the mornings and even then, stopped after a few drags. I can safely say now, I am an ex-smoker. The cravings are even going away. Cool. !0:00 and Karen is putting Krissy to bed. Dinner was good, Chicken & Dumplings, something Karen learned from her mom and is very good at.

Saturday, May 29th - Kim this morning, good. After some computer and backgammon and lunch, went to blooming acres to buy flowers/plants for the yard. Was cool. They literally have acres, blooming. I could ride everywhere because there was tile/brick. Karen bought a ton of stuff for the yard and is outside now planting some of it. The yard will look really nice for the party and for Memorial Day. We are having Karen’s’ family over for Memorial Day. Now it’s 6:00 and 69 degrees out. Just came in from the yard/pond. Wanted to try some fishing but my chair needs charged. Either tonight or tomorrow, for sure. Dinner and computed/backgammon until bed.

Sunday, May 30th - Kim again, good. Computed until 10:00 or so then went outside. Was out by the pond around 11:00 and the wheel to my chair started slipping. I tried backing up to get more traction. Big mistake. The chair got stuck in the drainage ditch. Then, after about 10 minutes, the chair fell over into the mud, with me in it. I rolled out of the mud and towards a tree and was almost there, after about an hour, when Carrie, who had seen me from the house, came out. She got me up against the chair, sitting up, and went and got the neighbors to lift me up into the chair. I was too tired from rolling to try it myself or just with Carrie, although she was willing and wanted to try. The neighbors lifted me up into the chair and I went inside and cleaned myself up. It’s now 1:30. Where was Karen? Sick. Inside and laying down, suffering from dizziness/nausea. Thank God for Carrie or I may have still been there. My mom is coming over with medicine for Karen. FAMILY is great. My mom cleaned up my chair and the house, which had mud everywhere. Thanks to her and Carrie, disaster was avoided. Karen even sounds a little better. But she didn’t feel good enough for church. So I spent the night on the computer and at cards with Karen and went to bed early.

Monday, May 31st - Jeanie this AM, good. Woke up at 5:00 because I went to bed last night at 10:00. Guess the mud just wore me out. Watched TV/news. Thank goodness Jeannie showed up at 7:00. We had received a phone message yesterday that there would be no aid due to the holiday. Wrong. 9:30 now and Karen is still sleeping, thank goodness, she needs it. Something I wanted to enter in my journal was when I visited work last Friday, my “replacement”, Mr. Silfani, reminded me of myself. A little scary. He started a couple years ago and never struck me that way before, even though I had seen him and talked to him several times. But he always had that “new guy” attitude. Now, the job has had its impact on him like it must have had on me and he was also very self assured, having been there now for 2 years. He struck me as the “AC” (Amer Cunningham) tax guy, like I used to be. Like I said, a little scary for me but great for them. Karen’s family came about 4:00 for our Memorial Day picnic. Till then, Karen was getting ready and I did various things to keep busy. Weather was great. Cleared up in the AM. Was 70 or 75 for most of the day. It’s now 8:30 and still 71. Lots of fishing. They each caught a few with Karen's’ dad and 1 brother, Jeff, catching about 10 each. Biggest one was a catfish about 18 inches, caught by one of the wives. Most were Bluegill, around 6 inches. Cooked out burgers and dogs. Just finished some backgammon. Neighbors, Strongs, came over this afternoon and fished and ate with us. John is coming over and hooking up the TV in my computer. Turns out that my computer is cable ready. Just have to hook it up. John is coming back sometime this weekend to do it. Terry, from lodge, is coming over tomorrow at 9:00 with help to start on the stall/pasture for Zip. Should be ready for my party on Saturday. Now it’s 10:00 and still 68 degrees out. To bed at 11:00.

Tuesday, June 1st - 9:00 and the guys from lodge just left to buy wood, etc. They are coming back tomorrow to start on the barn. Kim this morning, good. Thought I had Rays this morning, but we were wrong. Decided to skip Rotary so it’s just me and Karen and Krissy and the computer. Karen is on the phone talking to the lady who boards the pony for us about moving him here. Karen went to Carter Lumbar to meet Terry and get the wood for the stall. They are going to start tomorrow. They brought back/dropped off all the wood, etc. necessary and will be back tomorrow. Went to lodge in the evening. Home around 10:00 and computer, then bed.

Wednesday, June 2nd - Rich this morning. Got him caught up on everything. He is not sure when he’ll be back. Computer until left for therapy. Steve really worked me hard. Slept most of the way home. Then I had lunch. Karen had Rays in the afternoon and I computed. After dinner, Krissy and us went to the drug store and library and came home around 10:00 or a little before. Tomorrow is really Pony day. They are building the stall (couldn’t do it today due to morning rain) and the pony is being dropped off here by the owner of the boarding barn. Krissy was real excited. Computed and backgammon till around midnight, then off to bed.

Thursday, June 3rd - The guys from lodge came early, 6:30 and 7:00, to start on the stall. Pony is coming this afternoon. Jeanie couldn’t make it today so Rich filled in for her. He was good. After breakfast, hung out with the guys. Now it’s 10:00 and Karen and Krissy are leaving to buy a mat, some hay, feed, etc. I am going back out. Now it’s 4:30 and the Pony (zip) has been here for a couple hours. They are almost done with the stall. Everybody is happy. Carrie is at her last day of school and isn’t even here. After dinner, had to go out and get more stall mats. Ran a couple other errands and came home. Went to bed early, big day.

Friday, June 4th - Jeanie in AM. Good. Went out in morning with Karen and Krissy and Carrie to see Zip. Enjoyed watching the three of them bond over Zip. Karen had a doctors appointment to see why she has been slightly dizzy and nauseous for the last week. Bummer, she came home very nauseous and said it was a virus and that she was going to bed and to cancel the party. After she slept for a couple hours though, she said she was feeling a little better and that with some help, maybe we could go ahead with the party. Whew. Smoked a few smokes, didn’t know what else to do Very stressful. Went to bed slightly reassured.

Saturday, June 5th - Started out the day in bed. No aid, Carrie went to Cedar Point with a church group at 7 AM and Karen was sleeping. Karen woke up at 8:00 and checked the phone. There was a message from an aid looking for directions, lost. Got it settled and the aid came around 8:20. New girl, Patty, and she was pretty good. Was out having a ½ a smoke around 10:00 and Zip came around the corner of the house, loose. Got Karen up and out there and she tied him up to a tree. He had kicked open his stall door. Now it’s 11:00 and Karen is back in bed. Just me and the computer for a few hours, then PARTY. Something occurred to me this AM while waiting in bed for someone to get me up. Indeterminism (new word?). I think this is what drives most of us. Not being sure what is coming up next or who is calling the shots on what does (i.e. GOD), we are either trying to figure out what is coming and getting ready for it or appeasing the decision maker or avoiding the issue with drugs, booze or habits (good or bad). Hmmmmmm. Now it’s 2:00 and Terry and his family just left. They couldn’t come to the party due to a conflict but wanted to (and just did) come over anyway.. They brought a granddaughter who is 1 yr younger than Krissy. Krissy really enjoyed showing her the pony, her swing set, etc. Now they are true Christians. They prayed last night for Karen to feel better, which she does. While they were here, a few things ran very strongly through my mind. My entry above on “Indeterminism” and today’s “Sayings of Jesus” which is a daily I get over the Internet and the need/importance of making this entry. Let me quote it. “If you love me you will keep my commandments. And I will pray the Father, and he will give you another counselor, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him; you know him, for he dwells with you, and will be in you.” John 14:15-17. Or more simply, God is Truth and Truth is God. Now it’s 10:00 and the last people left an hour ago. The party was good, even though most of the invitee’s didn’t show. Jeanie’s in-law passed away, not unexpectedly. She had been very ill and Jeanie had said it was just a matter of time. Since Terry came in the morning, that only left a couple aids or therapists that were supposed to come, with families. They didn’t. That only left Terry from lodge, (the guy who helped with the horse stall) and his wife. So we called up the Strongs, our neighbors, and invited them and they came with their daughter for the cook-out. Their son came over after dinner and fished, without any luck So, counting Krissy, that made 8, which was a good cook-out. No bon-fire though. We’ll have to have that another night, with Jeanie. Terry did fix Zips’ door while he was here. Now, Karen is upstairs giving Krissy a bath and Carrie just called for a ride home at 11:30. Terry (my former aid, not from lodge) already e-mailed me some pictures from this morning and they are great. Computed until Carrie got home, then bed.

Sunday, June 6th - Patty just left, It’s 9:15. She was good and will be back on Friday, filling in for Jeanie who has wedding plans. She is getting married Sunday. Had Patty read my journal entry for yesterday. She took home a printed version of the whole journal yesterday to get up to speed on me and the job. Krissy is watching Animal Planet on TV and Karen and Carrie are still sleeping. Karen got up and went with Krissy and me to the Mustard seed for their Sunday brunch. Met my mom, sister, ex-brother-in-law, my niece and her fiancée there. Had a good time catching up with my sister. Lots of talk about the wedding, getting ready for it, etc. Home from Mustard Seed and computed until around 4:00. At 4:30/45 went with Krissy and Carrie to David’s to pick him up for Church. Carrie and David are not bf/gf (so they say) but since Carrie’s 1st boyfriend broke up the relationship (yesterday) they have been spending a lot of time together and on the internet and telephone with each other almost constantly. He has gone to church with us for the last month or so. Church was good, as usual. So was our Bible study group afterwards. Stopped for fast food on the way home and dropped off David and got home around 9:30/10:00.
Computed a little then to bed a little early.

Monday June 7th - Jeannie in AM for last time for a week or so due to wedding and honeymoon. She’ll be back next Thursday.. Karen and I are going to the wedding. Sounds like a good time. After Jeanie, water therapy. Fill in for Steve was same as a month ago. Commented very positively on my progress. Interesting thing was, as she was stretching my left ankle and as I was placing my left foot on the floor, I swear that I could feel my left heel touching the bottom of the pool. 1st time ever. Cool. Got home around 1:00 to meet with girl from the agency that provides me aids. Have met with her before. She was very positive, as was I. Her and Karen agreed that I was ready for more therapy. Plan is to get Edwin Shaw to re-evaluate my therapy and my chair (have had some problems with it too) with a Dr. and salesman there. Then, hopefully, to go to physical therapy right before my water therapy, maybe in a new chair. She was here about a half hour. After her, computer. Looking for/at PDA’s. Scoop is, now that Sony is out of the market (discontinued the very successful Clie line of PDA’s this week) due to future plans/products, that wireless phones/cameras/handheld computers (all-in-one) are the future. Interesting that Sony partnered up with Erricson this year. Hmmmm. Guess I may hold off on a PDA as my “birthday wish”. Now it’s 5:00 and Karen is napping. Barb is here with Krissy. Now it’s 8:00 and we are grilling out chicken, yum.

Tuesday, June 8th - Kim just left. She’ll be filling in for Jeanie on Thursday. She was good, as usual. It’s now 9:00 and 70 degrees, cool. Karen and Krissy are just stirring upstairs. 10:00 was Rays, talked a lot about religion. Turns out he counsels a few ministers. Good session. 11:30 was Rotary. Ham for lunch. After Rotary, went shopping for my birthday and bought a HP handheld computer. Spent most of the night playing with it, then computer/Internet and bed.

Wednesday, June 9th - Vicki filled in for Jeanie. Good. Had water therapy at 11:00. After lunch, I played with my handheld. Got it synched with my desk top computer. Need John Strong to figure out how to use it to surf the internet. They have classes to teach it if I need them.. Then I went to our last membership class at the Chapel. Was Cool. I am now a church member. Stopped on the way home for a late take home dinner from Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now it’s 10:00. Just came in from a smoke. Haven’t talked about it much here lately, but I am down to a couple smokes a day with no patches. Been that way for about 1 week. The key is going to be not increasing or smoking more.

Thursday, June 10th - Happy Birthday, to me. Kim in morning. Good. Then I got a shower. After some computer, went to Applebee’s for a late lunch. Now it’s 8:30 and John Strong just left. He finished hooking up my handheld and showed me how to use it to surf the internet. Now it’s by the bed, charging. Will get to use it later, to surf the internet, bedtime and AM. He says there is a “hotspot” right by the grocery store so I’ll be able to surf the internet while I wait. Cool. Karen is on her way home from Gymboree with dinner. Had dinner with chocolate cake and pie for dessert. Had candles in the cake and everyone sang happy birthday to me. Played with my Ipaq for a while then cards with Karen, I won. Went to bed around midnight.

Friday, June 11th - Kim again, for Jeannie. Woke up at 6:00 and played with my Ipaq for a while, checked my e-mail, the news, etc.. Rainy day. Played a lot of backgammon and with my Ipaq. Trying to figure out how to do both, backgammon on the Internet on my Ipaq. Need a different version of Windows, I think (maybe Windows CE?). E-mailed their technical support and asked. Now it’s 6:00 and we are headed to Montrose for dinner and window shopping. FYI - my e-mail is jcook2@neo.rr.com. Just added that, here and in the prologue. In case you couldn’t tell, Since my TBI, my priorities have changed. Now, helping others is a priority, as far as I can, within the bounds of reason. Karen, Krissy and I went to the Olive Garden for dinner. Karen even had them sing me Happy Birthday. I had steak, twice baked potato and Chocolate cake, my favorite dinner. Came home and played with my Ipaq and beat Karen at cards, then bed.

Saturday, June 12th - Victoria in morning, good. Played with my Ipaq. Bummer, can’t play backgammon at my favorite site, will have to change sites. Was sunny so went outside to enjoy it. Pond is too far away from house to use my Ipaq. Garage works fine though. Lunch, surfing the net and outside with Krissy until around 4:00, then to my moms for a birthday dinner. Got a gift certificate to Compusa from my mom (on top of her helping for my Ipaq) for a present. Katie, Grant, my sister Anne and Walt(her ex) came too. Home and played with my Ipaq until bedtime.

Sunday, June 13th - Vicki again in AM. Good. Went to brunch at the Mustard Seed with the same group as last night. In the afternoon, Karen’s virus was acting up and she wasn’t feeling well so we didn’t make it to Jeannie’s wedding or church, bummer. She slept most of the day and was feeling a little better in the evening. I was tired and went to bed early.

Monday, June 14th - Kim In AM, good. Had water therapy at 11:00. Steve thinks it’s time for me to go back to physical therapy to learn to walk. He thinks I have progressed far enough with water therapy to go on. Cool. Karen made an appointment for Thursday with the doctor to get his agreement and prescription for the therapy. So next Monday will be my last water therapy. We are going to stay with Edwin Shaw for the PT though instead of Wadsworth Rittman hospital like we used to do. They are clearly more competent with rehab. No doubt about it.

Tuesday, June 15th - Rich this morning. Good. He’ll be back Thursday for Jeanie. I think she’s coming back Friday. Woke up early, as I often do, and instead of laying there, waiting, played with my Ipaq. Karen took Carrie to the store. It’s now noon and I’ve spent most of the morning on the computer catching up my journal and playing backgammon. Carrie has a horse show tonight. Karen and Carrie spent most of the day getting ready for the horse show. Carrie didn’t do well. Most of her classes had 10 horses and the best she did was 7th. Need more practice, I guess. She has moved from juniors to seniors because of her age, tougher competition. Home late, to bed.

Monday, June 28th - Yes, it’s been almost 2 weeks, 2 busy weeks. A lot has happened. Went to the Dr. two Thursdays ago and got a direction to have my wheelchair evaluated, hoping to get a new one. Overall, my general health is OK. Did have my last water therapy last Monday, was good. Looking forward to physical therapy. My niece, Katie, got married last Friday. Rehearsal dinner was Thursday. Sisters and families were/are in town. Going to my moms tonight for my sister Ann’s 53rd birthday dinner. Went over there for a wedding celebration Saturday. Whole family, including cousins, etc. was there, like they were at the wedding and reception at Fairlawn Country Club on Friday. Lots of catching up. Everyone was generally happy/assured with my progress. I gave a toast at the reception. A passing of the gauntlet of child rearing for my family to the next generation. Katie and Grant remind me of Karen and I in how well they relate to each other. Hope they get 25 years like Karen and I have had. They only went for a short honeymoon and are going for a longer trip later in the year. They are both new dancers with the Ohio ballet now and will be dancing in the parks here this summer. I’m looking forward to that a lot. They even moved back to Karen and mines old neighborhood, in west Akron. One bad thing, I have been smoking too much. Everyone in our family (OK, a lot of us) smokes. The smoking lounge at the country club was very busy. I was there also. Even bought some. Have to quit, again, next week or in the week after. A few days ago, John Strong came over and got my computer to show TV. Got the ability when we bought it earlier in the year. I am now listening to the news while I type and can watch it on my monitor with the click of a button. John just left, he came over to re-arrange things so I could us the remote also. Cool. Went to the Fairlawn fireworks last night. As always, they were great. They lasted about 20 minutes. It was me, Karen, Krissy, Carrie and David (her non-boyfriend). Home around 10:30. Computed, then bed.

Monday, June 28th - Yes, it’s been almost 2 weeks, 2 busy weeks. A lot has happened. Went to the Dr. two Thursdays ago and got a direction to have my wheelchair evaluated, hoping to get a new one. Overall, my general health is OK. Did have my last water therapy last Monday, was good. Looking forward to physical therapy. My niece, Katie, got married last Friday. Rehearsal dinner was Thursday. Sisters and families were/are in town. Going to my moms tonight for my sister Ann’s 53rd birthday dinner. Went over there for a wedding celebration Saturday. Whole family, including cousins, etc. was there, like they were at the wedding and reception at Fairlawn Country Club on Friday. Lots of catching up. Everyone was generally happy/assured with my progress. I gave a toast at the reception. A passing of the gauntlet of child rearing for my family to the next generation. Katie and Grant remind me of Karen and I in how well they relate to each other. Hope they get 25 years like Karen and I have had. They only went for a short honeymoon and are going for a longer trip later in the year. They are both new dancers with the Ohio ballet now and will be dancing in the parks here this summer. I’m looking forward to that a lot. They even moved back to Karen and mines old neighborhood, in west Akron. One bad thing, I have been smoking too much. Everyone in our family (OK, a lot of us) smokes. The smoking lounge at the country club was very busy. I was there also. Even bought some. Have to quit, again, next week or in the week after. A few days ago, John Strong came over and got my computer to show TV. Got the ability when we bought it earlier in the year. I am now listening to the news while I type and can watch it on my monitor with the click of a button. John just left, he came over to re-arrange things so I could us the remote also. Cool. Went to the Fairlawn fireworks last night. As always, they were great. They lasted about 20 minutes. It was me, Karen, Krissy, Carrie and David (her non-boyfriend). Home around 10:30. Computed, then bed.

Tuesday, June 29th - Rich in the morning, now every Tuesday. Good. It’s not just a squint anymore, my right eye defect now is causing me to have a head tilt. One which, thank God, goes away pretty much when I close my right eye. Have to look into getting a black contact, like I had before and, wrongfully, decided I didn’t need. Either that or a patch, or both. Contac is expensive though ($100) to replace. Several people at the Wedding/reception commented on it (the ‘Tilt”) and that made me more aware of it. Karen, Chrissie, David and Carrie went to a 4-h horse show tonight and Carrie did a little better than last time. It’s 11:00 and Karen has just left to take David home. Stayed up late, got involved in a backgammon tournament on the internet. 1st one. Won 1 game, then lost and was out. Bed around 1:00.

Wednesday, June 30th - Vicki this AM - good. Went to Hubbard Valley park for lunch and stayed for a couple hours, Weather was glorious, 70's and sunny. My mom came over in the afternoon, as she usually does on Wednesdays, so Karen could take a nap. Beat me at cards, not the usual. Lots of backgammon to pass time, outside also to enjoy the weather. Now it’s 7:30 and 87 degrees. Heat wave, 1st one of the summer. Dinner is on the table. Now it’s 9:00 and I just came in from watching the sunset out by the pond. Cool.

Friday, July 2d - Jeannie this AM, good. Now around 11:00 AM and just came in from the pond. Got a patch for my right eye yesterday. Contac is on order but I couldn’t wait. Difference is amazing. Tilt tendency is going away. Going to take a few weeks to go away completely. But I just want to sit straighter and hold my head straighter. I am sure this contributed greatly to my trouble with walking/balance issues. Can’t wait for therapy to start back up. Waiting for the OK from workers comp. which will take another week or two, at least. Until then, lots of mall walking, I am sure. Now it’s 11:15 and Karen is giving Krissy a bath. Wow, everything is smoother, almost normal, from eating and reading to typing and seeing distances. Waking? Hmmm.

Saturday, July 3d - Vicki in AM, good. Horse show day. Carrie’s horse club put on a horse show at the county fairgrounds. Entry was good and Carrie did good. A 1st,5th, and 7th. Most of her classes had 10 or 15 entries. Was also a BBQ, good also. Home around 4:00 or 5:00. Karen gave me a shower and cards/computer, then bed.

Sunday, July 4th - No aid because Karen wanted Vicki to enjoy the holiday too. Karen handled it all. Now it’s 10:00 AM and I have been computing and journaling. Man, I am amazed at what a difference the eye patch makes. Wearing it all the time now. Have decided that because they are so expensive, I will only wear my black Contac out in public and then not very often. Patch doesn’t bother me, it’s the impact on other people I am trying to avoid. Going to be my “badge”.

Monday, July 5th - Today is the 1st “balanced” day of the rest of my life. One in which I have an outlook on the rest of the day. Follow up is SO IMPORTANT. I was prescribed an eye patch by a Doctor a long time ago, but didn’t wear it. I really feel that is what was stopping my therapy from progressing. Mike was great and water therapy was the right thing for me in the beginning. But when they handed me a cane 2 or 3 weeks ago and I was really struggling with it in the water, we both new that was the end for me. Now I can see that it was a balance problem which, I hope and feel, has been solved by my patch and I am ready to walk, with or without a cane. Thank God for Karen's noticing my “lean”. Other than that, I may have been in this chair forever. Most everyone else thought the lean was natural or didn’t want to say anything. Day has been good. Karen's mom came over in the afternoon so Karen could nap. Went out to Applebee's with Krissy for dinner, then to Borders where I got a couple CD’s and Karen got a couple books. Then some errands and home about 10:30 or 11:00. Then backgammon and bed.

Tuesday July 6th - Rich called off sick so Karen handled me in the AM. Her dad came around 9:30 and the Edwin Shaw Recreation program came at 10:00 as planned. By 10:30, 5 or 6 people had lines in the pond fishing. A couple of outpatients with kids and staff came. Kristen had fun with the young ones, showing them the pony, swing set, etc. Was 70's and slightly breezy all day. They left after the picnic lunch, having had a good time. I didn’t fish much, held the poles a couple times and never caught anything. Everyone else caught a couple or more. Biggest was about a foot long bass. After they left, backgammon and computer. Now it’s 3:30. Continuing to wear the eye patch and can notice my balance improving. Went to the monthly meeting for my freemasonry lodge. We are merging with another lodge. They offered to let me be an officer, I used to be Master of the lodge. Not sure if I will be able to do the memory work, there is lots of it. Time will tell. Home late, bed early.

Wednesday, July 7th - Kim this morning, good. Edwin Shaw called to let us know that Workers Comp approved my physical therapy and my wheelchair evaluation, cool. Have to call them in the morning to schedule everything. Went to Medina courthouse today to get Karen's accounting for my guardianship approved. I talked first with Karen and my lawyer briefly about the need to have me classified as mentally incompetent. Decided not to argue about that now, maybe next time. Now it’s 9:30 and dinner and sunset were both very nice. Karen is outside with Krissy and the pony and Carrie is upstairs, computing. Tomorrow, we are going to Masons day at the Akron Aeros ballpark with Terry, my former aid, and his wife or son. Looking forward to it.

Thursday, July 8th - Jeanie this AM, good. Now, it’s 11:30 and I just came in from the pond/yard. Rays this afternoon, then the ball game tonight. Ray’s was good. Spent some time talking about Karen's over extension. Ball game was good. The Aeros won in the 8th inning by scoring 3 or 4 runs. Until then, it was a 1 run difference. Close game, for the 1st 7 innings. Terry and his wife were very grateful, not only for the game/evening, but for our referral of them to Attorney Larry Vuillemin for a potential lawsuit over the handling of their daughters’ stroke. He had one at a young age too and, like them, is a born again Christian. Home around 10:30 or 11:00. Checked my e-mail, then bed.

Friday, July 9th - Jeanie again this morning. Good. Then I went in the yard, by the pond, but a good 10 feet away from the edge. Now, it’s 11:15 and I have been computing for a while. Karen and Krissy are upstairs, I can hear them. Karen called Edwin Shaw, appointments for PT (physical therapy) evaluation and wheelchair evaluation are Thursday. Can’t wait for PT to start back up. Next step on way to walking.

Saturday, July 10th - Kim in the AM, good. Terry, from lodge, and a friend came over with the model sailboat I bought a couple months ago, assembled, and, after some problems were solved, I was sailing it on the pond. Had to miss Mel Ballinger's funeral service because Terry wasn’t done in time and his friend, who was doing most of the work and knew much more, was from out of town and wouldn’t be back soon. After a cookout on the porch for dinner and a beautiful sunset, walked in the yard and driveway to get ready for mall walking tomorrow. Went with Karen, late, to the grocery store. Home, computer, then bed.

Sunday, July 11th - Kim again, good. Wen