Saturday, May 1st - Kim Yoder this morning. As I mentioned before, young and not very experienced, but, a very strong work ethic, which is important and good for her job. Then we went mall walking for the 1st time in a few weeks. Initially, Karen and I were a little bit worried about how I would do after a few week break. Ended up doing great!! Walked further than ever before and I was feeling stronger and more in control. Cool! Then we ran some errands to get Carrie ready for her 1st horse show of this season, tomorrow. Home now and dinner was good, as usual. Wow, I was/am one messed up guy. Just got the report of the workers compensation doctor who saw me on 2/27. Good news is he recommends no return to work due to both my physical and mental (memory) injuries/conditions and considers my inability to work as a permanent condition. One less thing to worry about. I guess that means I’m officially retired now.

Sunday, May 2d - Kim this morning again. Horse show got cancelled due to rain. Spent most of the morning and part of the afternoon fixing my journal. Sent out the last version late at night. Mistake. Entered stuff on wrong day and left out a bunch of people. Going to have Karen proof it this time. Rain, rain and more rain. That is today’s story. Church at 5:30 was good as usual. Bible Study too. Interesting service on prayer. Carrie not only came but brought a close friend (boy) they seemed to like both the services and bible study. Now it’s 9:30. Several people in Bible Study commented on how much they liked my journal and encouraged me to continue. If it weren’t for Karen and the kids, I might get a big head but, they prevent that, especially the 3 yr old. I thank God for Krissy a lot. I am 47, almost 48, with a 3 yr old. Some people are having grandchildren at my age. Been married 25 years too, mostly good. My 1st entirely smoke free day in a while. No cheating, not even 1 drag off a smoke or butt. Not that hard either. Just get the old “longing” once in a while. Gets worst when I am bored.

Monday, May 3d - Well, off to water therapy. Jeanie this AM. Good, as usual. Now it’s 10:00. Have to make sure Karen gets a good stretch in on my ankle before therapy. Have an idea/feeling I just want to get down before I leave. Somehow, I think that the “Praying” taught by Jesus was somehow related/similar to meditation. My sister teaches Transcendental Meditation and has for 15 or 20 years. I learned when I was in college, in Columbus. I definitely feel that meditating has helped me in my struggle. Like getting an hour nap in 20 minutes, among other things, like peace of mind. Good news, just got back from water therapy and my angles of bending and strength had both improved on both my left ankle and right arm. Steve was happy with the results and said the State should have “no problem” with authorizing another month. COOL. THANK YOU GOD. He said that right after I raised the possibility of a specialist. Hmmmm. Karen is at Rays’ for her counseling session and her mom is here doing laundry. Have smoked 2 half cigarettes today. Funny thing is, after I light them and take a drag or two, I lose interest and have no trouble putting them out after a few more drags. The patch is working. Other than that, it’s been computer and backgammon. It is sunny and around 50. The forecast for the end of the week is great. In the 70's and very low (20/30%) chances of rain for 5 or 6 days straight. Supposed to rain Tuesday or Wednesday though. !0:00 PM. Tonight we had a group meeting for the class that’s joining the Chapel. We are in it. About time, after going for a year. Knute was cool, as usual. Other than that it’s been computer. Maybe some cards, then bed.

Tuesday, May 4th - Rick this AM till 9:00. Good. Then computer until 11:00. Then Rotary. Good presentation by a chiropractor on bone disease/illness. Home now and my mom is here with Krissy, Karen is napping. Karen woke up, made dinner and took me to lodge. I haven’t talked much here about lodge, but I have been a Freemason for around 10 or 15 years. Worked my way up the officers line for 5 or 6 years and was Master in 2000 (approx.). Often just referred to as “blue” lodges, the masons have been around here for almost 200 years, I think. I belong to “Akron” Lodge. There are many more in this area. My dad belonged to Akron Lodge too. Some of my best friends have come from lodge. Lodge was tonight. Now it’s 10:30 and I will do computer then maybe cards and bed.

Wednesday, May 5th- Vicki this morning. Good as usual. Before she came, I was sitting up in bed and was able to put my left foot flat on the floor and sit on my right wrist with it bent at 90 degrees. I almost felt normal. Of course, as soon as I moved, my ankle and wrist went back to their “frozen” positions. The point is, that for a few minutes, things felt “normal” and I could see them getting back to normal on a permanent basis. COOL. Now it’s time to get Karen up and go to water therapy. 1:00 and just back from water therapy/lunch Water therapy was way cool. Near the end of our normal session, Steve asked me if I felt like taking a risk. It had been a good session so I said “sure”. He said he wanted to try something new, for me to try walking up the steps to get out of the pool. I said “let’s go for it”. We did and I did too. That is, I got out of the pool without the lift that normally lifted me up and in/out of the pool. I used the 6 or so steps to get out and in my wheelchair. The hardest part was turning to sit down, but the strength was there! Now it’s 4:00 and I just finished rereading my journal. Apparently, Ballinger house has decided to include it on their web page or parts of it. Scary but cool at the same time. Whenever I get scared, I think of that guy/girl who had an accident/stroke in the last 2 or 3 months and who is lying in bed, wondering (like I used to) about the future, what’s possible? Hope this helps. Another thing about this AM I wanted to include. This morning, for the first time, I was able to remember the day of the week and the date of the month too. I had tried before and come close but never been sure of both. This morning, for some reason, I was certain and I was right. My memory continues to improve. Now it’s 9:00 and Star Trek just finished. Before that, went to the barn and took some pictures of Krissy with/on the pony for the grandmas for Sunday/Mothers day. Sky-Way for dinner. Have only smoked a few drags from a butt this morning. Since then, have had cravings but put up with them. Karen and Krissy are watching TV so no cards. Now 10:40, Bed. Jeanie tomorrow.

Friday, May 14th - Jeanie this AM. Good, as usual. Bummed 2 smokes. That’s it though, for all day. And no patch. Had ½ a smoke already, 1 + ½ left. Gymboree today at lunchtime. Don’t think I’m going though. Couple of weeks ago, Karen would have worried about me being home alone, not anymore. Stayed home anyway, my cousin, Chris, was supposed to stop by, maybe, but didn’t. After dinner, had to go pick up Carrie, did, and stopped for ice cream. Warm, 70's. Computer, then bed.

Saturday May 15th - Kim this AM, good. Chris called and is stopping by this afternoon. Labrador Retriever working day we were going to have was cancelled due to the rain. Rescheduled to June. Now 11:00 and so far it’s been backgammon and computer. Looking at handheld computers on the internet. Going to have to go see them. Prices appear very low, under $500? So far, 1/3 of a smoke. Going to keep it at 2 smokes per day. Down to 1/3 at a time. Basically, before and after meals with none before breakfast and one last time before bed.. Still no patches. Now 1:00. Karen is taking in the van to the dealer. Got it back from the body shop and my sliding door was screwed up. Karen is amazing. She is not only doing everything she was responsible for before my accident, she now also does everything I was responsible for, and she also has me/my disability to deal with, that and a 3 yr old and a teenager and this house and our laundry and, now, our van. The list goes on and on and on... Wow. Her plate is full. Chris, my cousin, was here for a couple hours. Good visit. Now 9:00. Have had 2+ smokes today. Slow day, got bored. Maybe my limit on weekends will be 3/day. Bath tonight, thanks to Karen. Have added to my list of goals. Now, besides walking before this winter, it includes driving before next summer.

Sunday, May 16th - Kim this AM too. Good. Waiting for Karen to get up and take me to the horse show. She took Carrie at 7 AM and went back to bed. Carries classes aren’t until this afternoon. 11:00 now and 55 degrees. Supposed to get up in the 60's/70. Krissy is up and not making too much of a mess. Was really impressed with the Sony Clie PDA. Can’t wait to go to Circuit City and check it out. Maybe tomorrow? 5:00 and home from the horse show. Carrie did pretty good. A 1st, 2d, 4th, 5th and 6th or 7th. Her classes were all around the 15/20 size. Her last class is now and Karen brought me home and went back so she would have room for all Carries’ stuff. Carrie placed or made the cut in every class, so far. Had 2 ½ smokes while there. 4 for the day, so far. Just came in from outside. It’s beautiful, 65 and only a few clouds. After a quick dinner, computer, cards and bed.

Monday, May 17th - Jeanie this AM. Good, as usual. Good part about it is that she may get Tuesdays back as my aid. Cool. Water therapy at 11:00 was good. Steve wasn’t there due to his mother-in-law being ill. His substitute, Marla, has worked with me in the past. I didn’t go in by the stairs because I am twice her size, but she was willing. She had a good session though, giving me some exercises Steve and I don’t usually do. Lunch, chatted and outside for the afternoon then fast food and Ballinger House board meeting for the nite. Good meeting. Decided we would be faith based but not necessarily Christian. As I’ve said before, TBI does not discriminate. Although some Board members were leaning towards Christian centered due to the financial impact, it was unanimous to be faith centered but not necessarily Christian. Now 10:00 and off to chat, then bed.

Tuesday, May 18th - Kim this AM. Good. Rotary today. 69 and partly sunny now, it’s 9:00. 1/3 smoke so far. Will probably finish it before Rotary. Off to chat. Cool that Ballinger house added a link to the chat site on their web page. Unfortunately, no internet. Can’t figure out why either. Have to call John Strong. John came over and fixed my computer so now I have the internet. Rotary was a presentation by the nutritionist at the local hospital on diet. The Loner was one of my favorite songs as a teen, by Neil Young. Funny, that’s what I was until my accident. Even though I was a married family man, I pretty much kept to myself. I had what I needed in my family. Everything/one else was secondary. Not anymore! This morning, I was working on my pulleys, same as I have for the last year, when Karen pointed out that my right arm was bent at the elbow. Seems like a small thing but straightening out my arm felt great. Now my pulleys will be a challenge and good therapy for my right arm instead of just another, boring, muscle builder. Point is, it takes a whole team, including my open mindedness (most importantly), to accomplish such a big challenge as my walking and rehabilitation. In the past, I would have ignored Karen, graciously. Now, it’s not just me, but the team that counts/gets things done. This time it was Karen but other times it has been one of my aides/doctors/therapists/daughters/family members that mentioned something trying to be helpful. Being so desperate to get better, I opened my mind and started listening. Thank God. Lodge tonight. New guy joining and our normal refreshment person is on vacation so Karen is pitching in. Since my mva I have only gone to stated meetings on the 1st Tuesday of each month. Before that, I went every Tuesday. Will be fun.

Wednesday, May 19th- Lodge was good except I smoked 2 much, 3 total for the whole day. Didn’t get home till 10:30 though. Surfed for a few minutes on the internet then went to bed at 11:00. Victoria this AM. Good as usual, especially the stretching of my ankle before any therapy. She has always been the best at that. Water therapy at 11:00 with Marla. Again, she was very good. Had her at Wadsworth Rittman before I went to Edwin Shaw and liked her then. Glad she showed up at Edwin Shaw. Fast food for lunch on the way home. Then some outside time with Krissy. Now it’s 3:30, sunny and 72. Outside and cards with my mom (she won) while Karen napped. Now it’s 6:00 and we are on our way to Church membership class. Class was way cool. Up until tonight, as I’ve mentioned, I felt the Chapel was the best way for me to get in touch with God. We are becoming members. Tonight was my 2d membership class. Knute handled it and, in typical lawyer fashion, I asked some really tough questions. The class was about 30 people. At this time, I don’t remember all of the questions or his answers but I do feel, strongly, I am now a Christian. He had great answers to some very tough questions. It’s 11:00 and 65 outside. Karen is putting Krissy to bed. Backgammon, then bed.

Thursday, May 20th - Jeanie this AM. Good, as usual. Won’t be able to start Tuesdays until July because of her kids schedule. Backgammon and chat till dentist , at 12:00. Had teeth cleaned and, generally, they looked good. Ran a couple errands on the way home. Got a sub for lunch. Barb is here now. Just got back in from a walk./stroll down River Styx. Took Krissy in her wagon. Karen is napping and it’s 4:00. 7:30 and waiting for Karen/Krissy to come home from Gymboree. Karen is bringing home dinner. Should be here any minute. 79 and partly cloudy. Spent some time outside while they were gone. Beautiful. Thank God for this wheelchair and how good it is in the yard. Pond and barn are cool to go outside to. Smoking too much. About 3 or 4 per day. I get bored and it’s something to do.

Friday, May 21st - Jeanie this AM. Good as usual. Decided last night to quit smoking. Have a plan. Had Karen buy 1 more week of patches, even had 1 more week on “their” plan. So this time next week I’ll have had my last smoke, ever. Actually, plan is to have my last 1 on Monday then to go “patch only” for 3 days, then no more patches as of next Friday. Have had two ½ smokes so far today. Now it’s 1:00 and just finished lunch. Karen and Krissy are at Gymboree. Talked with Jeanie this AM about my new career, volunteering with/for TBI patients/victims. Have to bring out their “stubborn” side, or determination. We all have it, somewhere. Just have to find it for some. I was lucky, born with the inclination, but my accident and Krissy brought it out for me. Some people aren’t that lucky and will need some help. Enter me. Hmmmm. Now it’s 1:30 and can’t go outside till later due to the rain last night. Off to backgammon and chat. 3:30 now, thought this was already entered, maybe not. Last week, I started being able to move the toes on my left foot, a little. They had been frozen since my mva. Felt about 70% or 80% normal then. 1st time since my mva. In the last couple days, the control over that has increased to the point I now feel it’s back to 99%. Cool, Can’t wait to see how/if it helps my balance/walking. Amazing, 2 yrs and 3 mo. and my mind is still healing itself/rerouting. Almost feels normal, just weak. Now it’s 5:30 and we are going mall walking tonight because I want to. In the past it’s been because I should, therapy. Big difference. I now am certain, I am going to walk, this summer. 9:30 and no walking due to the 3 yr old. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Saturday, May 22d - Victoria this AM. Good. Terry came at 9:00 so Karen could go to the Junior 4H horse show in Columbus. Should be back around 6:00. Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx Rd., played guitar, went out in the yard and surfed the internet. As with Jeanie, we both feel strongly that God teamed us up for something. What, we are not sure of. Now 8:30, Karen has been home for a few hours, Carrie will be home later. She did good, a 3d place and made the cut in a very large class. Just finished dinner, outside. Its 81 and sunny/sunset. Terry was very glad that I am now a full faith “Christian”, as I’ve previously discussed, instead of “leaning” towards Christianity. Chatted, backgammon and bed.

Sunday, May 23d - Vicki again this morning. Good. Then, chatted and went mall walking. We have an exercise walking machine that I’ve stayed away from because of my poor balance. Decided today to give it a try, tomorrow. Need to build up my leg muscles. Shopped at the mall after walking. Now it’s 7:00. Just left chat room. Dinner is almost ready. No Church or bible study, Krissy made a big mess that Karen is still cleaning up. Chocolate pudding, buttermilk, hay and jelly all mixed up together and on the carpet, furniture and Krissy. Karen said she wanted me to try an automatic walking machine (treadmill) at Edwin Shaw 1st, before we try ours. Tomorrow, after water therapy. Backgammon and chat till bed.

Monday, May 24th - Jeanie this morning, good. Water therapy was good too. Marla was able, again, to handle me without the lift. Just got done with my e-mail. Now it’s 2:30. One of the things I did yesterday was window shop for small computers that the disabled could use. The handheld Sony Clie is good and $500, but the screen is very small and could not be used by anyone with vision problems, which a lot of TBI’ers have. The next possibility was a laptop instead of a handheld. Would work, but the price is around $1,000. What each of these would do is “portable Internet”, which is what I think is needed... Barb is here with Krissy so Karen can nap. 6:00 and Karen is due to get up shortly. Tonight she is going to straighten up the barn so the guys from lodge can add a stall. Still planning on pony rides for the youngsters at my party, which is 12 days away. Did an invitation this morning on the computer, looks good. Talked to Marla about the treadmill and she thinks I need to improve my left ankle a little more first. Guess I’ll have to wait a couple weeks. Until then, only mall walking will build up my leg muscles. Except that Marla said she would add weights to my legs for water therapy. Karen finished getting the barn ready. The guys are supposed to come the week after Memorial Day to build the stall. Chatted, backgammon and then bed.

Tuesday, May 25th - Kim in the AM, good. Chatted and journal/backgammon till 10:00, then had Rays (counseling). Then, it was raining, so I skipped Rotary and instead went grocery shopping with Krissy and Karen after it stopped. The afternoon cleared up and was glorious so I spent some time outside in my chair. Was so nice, in fact, that I fell asleep in my chair out by the barn/pond for about an hour. Karen was mowing the back yard with the tractor. Her dad mowed the front lawn yesterday with the push mower because it was/is so wet. After dinner, backgammon and chatting, then bed.

Wednesday, May 26th - Vicki this Morning, good. Had her give special attention to my left ankle to help get ready for water therapy. Then, journal and chatting/backgammon until water therapy.

Thursday, May 27th - Jeannie this morning. Good. It’s her early day so it’s now only 9:00 and she left an hour ago. Off to chat. Nice day. Spent a lot of it outside. Masons, With Karen, at 7:00. Those guys (Scottish Rite Masons, not “blue lodge” Masons) had their officer installation tonight. At the end, almost, they gave me a plaque recognizing my years of service. Before my mva, I was treasurer and a board member as well as an officer. Home, to bed.

Friday, May 28th - Jeannie this AM too. Good. Went downtown to work at lunchtime. Even had lunch from Papa’s pretzels like I used to. Visited mostly, Karen had some paperwork to help with on my Guardianship. Home at 4:00. Spent the last few hours computing, journal and backgammon. Karen mowed. Now, it’s 7:30 and dinner is on its way. Haven’t talked much recently about my smoking. Have been off the patches for 2 days. So far so good. Only “cheated” a couple times in the mornings and even then, stopped after a few drags. I can safely say now, I am an ex-smoker. The cravings are even going away. Cool. !0:00 and Karen is putting Krissy to bed. Dinner was good, Chicken & Dumplings, something Karen learned from her mom and is very good at.

Saturday, May 29th - Kim this morning, good. After some computer and backgammon and lunch, went to blooming acres to buy flowers/plants for the yard. Was cool. They literally have acres, blooming. I could ride everywhere because there was tile/brick. Karen bought a ton of stuff for the yard and is outside now planting some of it. The yard will look really nice for the party and for Memorial Day. We are having Karen’s’ family over for Memorial Day. Now it’s 6:00 and 69 degrees out. Just came in from the yard/pond. Wanted to try some fishing but my chair needs charged. Either tonight or tomorrow, for sure. Dinner and computed/backgammon until bed.

Sunday, May 30th - Kim again, good. Computed until 10:00 or so then went outside. Was out by the pond around 11:00 and the wheel to my chair started slipping. I tried backing up to get more traction. Big mistake. The chair got stuck in the drainage ditch. Then, after about 10 minutes, the chair fell over into the mud, with me in it. I rolled out of the mud and towards a tree and was almost there, after about an hour, when Carrie, who had seen me from the house, came out. She got me up against the chair, sitting up, and went and got the neighbors to lift me up into the chair. I was too tired from rolling to try it myself or just with Carrie, although she was willing and wanted to try. The neighbors lifted me up into the chair and I went inside and cleaned myself up. It’s now 1:30. Where was Karen? Sick. Inside and laying down, suffering from dizziness/nausea. Thank God for Carrie or I may have still been there. My mom is coming over with medicine for Karen. FAMILY is great. My mom cleaned up my chair and the house, which had mud everywhere. Thanks to her and Carrie, disaster was avoided. Karen even sounds a little better. But she didn’t feel good enough for church. So I spent the night on the computer and at cards with Karen and went to bed early.

Monday, May 31st - Jeanie this AM, good. Woke up at 5:00 because I went to bed last night at 10:00. Guess the mud just wore me out. Watched TV/news. Thank goodness Jeannie showed up at 7:00. We had received a phone message yesterday that there would be no aid due to the holiday. Wrong. 9:30 now and Karen is still sleeping, thank goodness, she needs it. Something I wanted to enter in my journal was when I visited work last Friday, my “replacement”, Mr. Silfani, reminded me of myself. A little scary. He started a couple years ago and never struck me that way before, even though I had seen him and talked to him several times. But he always had that “new guy” attitude. Now, the job has had its impact on him like it must have had on me and he was also very self assured, having been there now for 2 years. He struck me as the “AC” (Amer Cunningham) tax guy, like I used to be. Like I said, a little scary for me but great for them. Karen’s family came about 4:00 for our Memorial Day picnic. Till then, Karen was getting ready and I did various things to keep busy. Weather was great. Cleared up in the AM. Was 70 or 75 for most of the day. It’s now 8:30 and still 71. Lots of fishing. They each caught a few with Karen's dad and 1 brother, Jeff, catching about 10 each. Biggest one was a catfish about 18 inches, caught by one of the wives. Most were Bluegill, around 6 inches. Cooked out burgers and dogs. Just finished some backgammon. Neighbors, Strongs, came over this afternoon and fished and ate with us. John is coming over and hooking up the TV in my computer. Turns out that my computer is cable ready. Just have to hook it up. John is coming back sometime this weekend to do it. Terry, from lodge, is coming over tomorrow at 9:00 with help to start on the stall/pasture for Zip. Should be ready for my party on Saturday. Now it’s 10:00 and still 68 degrees out. To bed at 11:00.