Wednesday, December 1st - Tinnitus Retraining was what the chatter ( “Loving A Lie” was their nickname) was talking about tonight. It was a new form of therapy they were doing and were very excited about it. I will have to check it out. Also, a gentleman came into chat who had recently (several months) had his TBI and was really complaining about the drop in IQ. He was wondering how/if he was going to continue his job. I told him that he was in the top 7%. That my research showed that 93% of people in a coma for more than 30 days, like him and I had been, either died or ended up seriously disabled. He realized that he was very lucky and remarked so.

Thursday, December 2d - Jim and Rick are coming over tomorrow to do lights and earn some $$$$.. Patty and JT are coming in the afternoon to work on the roofs. Lent Jim $83 to fix his tires, get emission checked and temporary license fee. He is now mobile, hasn’t been for a couple of months.

Friday, December 3d - No Jim or Patty, maybe tomorrow? Karen’s brother, Jeff, and his wife, Katie and her daughters, Christina and Meagen, just left at 7:00. We celebrated, late, Christina's birthday and also Krissy’s. We had the traditional cake, ice cream and presents. Worked on journal a lot, almost done.

Saturday, December 4th - Juanetta left around 9 and I have been working on my journal for about an hour and a half. Now 10:30. Jim and Rick came about 11:00. They are putting up our Christmas lights and displays now. I am going back and forth, between working on my journal and visiting/smoking. We had to go to Wal-Mart around 3:00 to buy more lights., Jim drove Rick and I. They were here for lunch also, dinner too. Left around 9:00 after the lights and some visiting. Both are supposed to go to church with us tomorrow night also. Rick plays electric guitar so I think he will like the music.

Just realized it has been almost 2 full months since I have sent a journal update in. I thought it was more like 6 weeks. Chatted and worked on my journal a little, almost done. Now I am going to play backgammon, it’s 10:30. Patty called and said they would be over tomorrow. 3:30 now, just got home from mall walking and there is a message from Rick, it’s his birthday and they are taking a rain check.

Sunday, December 5th - It is around 11:00 PM and I wanted to note that my spending time with Rick and Jim was great, but, at the expense of me exercising was a mistake. The attrition in my capabilities has been marked and substantial just due to taking one day off.

Tuesday, December 7th - Interesting session with Ray about my “return to normal” and its effect on others. Can we improve on our pre-TBI normal? Should/can we try? Certainly a family oriented discussion. Should vary with each individual . Holding myself out as a model? Quit smoking before I walk? A couple more tough questions. Right now, the answer is YES to both of them. Went to Krissy’s pre-schools Christmas concert/choir at the Lutheran church, very rewarding. Krissy reminded me of Carrie at that age.

Wednesday, December 8th - Knelt in bed for 3 ˝ times yesterday as part of all of my bed exercises and did my arm raising religiously all day, so I took this morning off from bed exercises. Patty was a little late and I wanted a cigarette. So I made sure I did all my other morning exercises, standing, pulley, exercise bike and arm raising while smoking, to the max. which brings me back to the same old, now, topic. Should I quit smoking now? I decided that I wanted to do a survey to find out if I should, to see what others may think. So, if you are reading this please do your part and respond. My e-mail is jcook2@neo.rr.com The response may be very short, i.e.” yes/no” to quitting smoking now instead of when I walk, or it may be very long, i.e. “This is what I think and why” about all of the above issues, especially the ones I raised in yesterdays entry. There are a couple other related issues that I talk about only in my adults only version of my journal. So If you want that , e-mail me.

Thursday , December 9th - No aid so Karen got me up around 8:00 before she went and helped at pre-school. After breakfast and bathroom, stood for 15 min., did pulleys for 10 min and on my bike, did 400 + quality steps , 500 total in 15 min. Shaking did not become a problem until after the 1st 400. Shaking of my left leg has been a problem the last 2 times I mall walked, but I didn’t stand first. Now it’s just before noon. Have had 3 or 4 cigarettes and done my arm raises each time. 4:00, stood for 15 min. left leg started shaking after 14, pulleys for 10 min. Cleaned up my journal notes and to do list in evening.

Friday, December 10th - Kim just left after filling in for Jeannie. Did 1000 QUALITY steps in 26 min., stood first for 15 min., very important to stand first, gets the tremors over with.. Had a lot of trouble with the tremors in my left leg mall walking last two times and on my bike yesterday, to the point of giving up after 15 min.. Decided yesterday to skip standing first due to being late. Decided that may be the problem, not standing first. Looks like I may have been right.

Saturday, December 11th - Karen Krissy and I got our Christmas tree today. I couldn’t go outside because it was too muddy so I waited in the van. We are going to decorate it tonight/tomorrow. It is up. Karen and I went to the Christmas concert at the Chapel tonight. We also went to the Akron Symphony Christmas concert last night. Both were very good except the crowd tonight was definitely more “into” it. Got up on their feet and sang along several times.

Monday, December 13 - Ballinger house and local chapter of Joni and friends had a Christmas party at Edwin Shaw from about 7 to 9:30/10:00. Lots of friends, TBI'ers and support people. Weather is snowy and cold so surprised that there was about 50/60 people there. No formal program, but there was a gift exchange. Kim this AM as Jeannie was out with a bad/sore back. Did all exercises/bike this AM but skipped this evening. JT came over and fixes our roof patches, it was freezing when he did.

Tuesday, December 14th - Patty this morning, good as usual. Krissy is at pre-school, Carrie is at school and Karen is asleep. I am at the computer, off and on.. GOD said “Be honest and friendly. It’s necessary for 2 way communication to be productive”. I felt compelled to write this also. Supposed to go on a ride in the van to the feed store this afternoon. I just came in from smoking in the garage, which took about 10 or 15 minutes. It used to take twice as much time. Again, did exercises this AM but skipped this evening. Except I kept up with my arm raising, and then some. Did 10 sets of 10 +1, instead of my usual 6 sets. Nights appear to be my best times for this, after an easy day.

Wednesday, December15th - Forget that, had trouble trying to do that many tonight. 1000 steps in 22 ˝ mins., no standing. Patty again, good. Walked today at Edwin Saw with my walker and after my machine work. Walked good. We are using the walker with the right arm support while at Edwin Shaw. Until I get a little stronger, we are going to walk with a normal walker at home only. Decided I should update my journal on the internet bi-monthly. So here goes, from my notes. I have heard of “muscle memory” before but I’m not quite sure what it is. I wonder if my poor memory is somehow related to my “weak” muscles. I can’t begin to say how important “teamwork” has been. My aides, my wife and daughters, and both of my mothers-in-law form my team. Between talking with me and each other they have formed a “network” that works together. For example, my feet had been slipping doing my bed exercise so that I waited for an aide to come to do them most mornings. But Jeannie had the idea to try out this material that stuck to the bed. We tried it and it works great. So now, my exercise are all done before an aide comes. I am anxious to find out what my readers think on the smoking issue or any other issues. Should we continue to self improve after a tbi? I think YES. To show this, I plan to go back on my diet. I was about 10 lbs. overweight before my tbi and still am. I needed to lose that 10 lbs before my tbi and still do, so I will. I plan on returning to better than normal. Also, there is an eerie similarity between my walking with a walker and my water therapy. I had to struggle with water therapy all the way, now it looks and feels like a repeat. I only hope the end result is as successful. I wanted also to thank my 1st “boss” for my work ethic. His name was “Nick” and he was a “hillbilly”. I worked at the neighborhood swimming pool on the “clean-up” crew every morning at 7:00 starting at 14 years old for spending money. Nick had a standard response if you questioned the necessity of some work volumes. It was that we should do it because everyone needs to do “one to grow on”. Back then I remember thinking” man, I am 6 ft 2 inches, one to grow on is not what I need or want”. Little did I know then but to this day, I literally mean today, I still take that approach with many things, like my exercises, etc. and I also applied it for the motivation for law school and other things throughout my entire life. Several times now, I have felt the “compulsion” to journal something. It is almost like GOD is talking.

Friday, December 17th - Kim again, good. Did 1000 steps in 32 min. at 11:45 am. Stood for 15 min. first. Set the difficulty level at 8 instead of 7. Leg trembling was bad for both standing and bike at night. It’s now midnight. I’ve been out for 2 smokes tonight and each time, God said, strongly and out of the blue, “We are all beings and need to support each other”. This especially applies to TBI’ers.

Saturday, December 18th - Juanetta this weekend, good. Spent most of the day on the internet and with my journal. Went to the Christmas dinner/party for the Bible Study in the evening. Came home and computed until bedtime.

Sunday, December 19th - Juanetta again, good. Other than that, it has been computer. Just went over my “to do” list and my list of dinner invitee’s for the next 2 month with Karen. She made some minor changes in the dinner list and I had to explain that the “to do” list was global. It covered today, this week, month, year, etc. all at once. Learned this one from Dad and have used it for 30 yrs, especially at work. I include it here as an example:

1. e-mail Rotary International - promote joint speaking
2. balance checkbook
3. talk with neighbor about pasture : 1st refusal right or option
4. go over budget w/ Karen
5. e-mail Jeff Golub journal
6. sell law practice to firm?
7. do business cards/printer ink problem
8. e-mail OSU and Dead about follow up/journal/tax-exempt funding
9. update x-rated version of journal
10. get Probate Court appointment as guardian-ad-litem in different brain injury case
11. Speak at Akron Rotary
12. e-mail BIAOH
13. diet to lose 10 more lbs
14. start file of 501C3 expenses for taxes
15. start book before finishing journal
16. Work towards termination of Probate Court Guardianship of Karen over me before pursuing #10.
17. e-mail Joni and Friends

Went to church and bible study this evening, both were very good. Knute did the sermon. Was kind of a pre-Christmas sermon. Then I computed until bedtime.

Monday, December 20th - Kim this AM, good. Went to Edwin Shaw at 12:30. Took the wrong walker so no walking. Talked with Steve about trying real stair stepper. He agreed, we will try on Wednesday, Had lunch afterwards at home. Added #17 above after smoking.

Tuesday, December 21st - Kim this AM, good. Interesting session with Ray about my “poll” about smoking. I should ask for alternatives to the boredom. Changed the web update to do just that. Went out in the afternoon and pm and got most of our x-mas shopping done. Whew! 9PM now and getting ready for a late dinner.

Wednesday, December 22d - Kim again, good. Now it is around 10 and I am computing and have been. Snowstorm today. Went for a ride to the drugstore just to get out of the house. Other than that, lots of computer. Took a nap in the afternoon. Got myself in and out of bed by myself, using the slide board. Computed most of night.

Thursday, December 23d - No aid due to snowstorm so Karen handled getting me up. 3 PM - did 630 steps in 20 min. ,very little trembling. Went to my moms’ for dinner with my Sisters and their whole families.

Friday, December 24th - No aid, so Karen handled everything. Wheelchair throttle died in AM and won’t be fixed for a few days so the manual chair is all I’ll have for Christmas and a few days after.

Karen’s family was here from 5 to 7. The adults have not exchanged gifts for several years, but the kids did alright.

Sunday, December26th - Patty is here, good. Did 800 steps in 24 ˝ min, no standing. I wanted to add my journal notes file and do so now:

1. Born again redefinition
2. Recovery after already achieving most of a life’s goals
3. Rotaract, local tax deductions, reporting requirements
4. Thc pills as affecting temper control/tremors.
5. “Welcome to my world” as new title of new “book”, not a diary
6. Book/journal can be used either way, return to normal or not, probate court decides
7. tie arm raising/smoking to “return to normal” and probate court-plan to do so.
8. Finish journal with pictures of me walking.
9. in garage one day before Jeannie left, me- an interview with every family to see what makes the TBI’er tick (i.e. - math and me)- Jeannie - alone and together (i.e. - parents vs. kids)
10. Wheels for the world/.Joni and Friends - my chair died > manual chair - led to me changing priorities, now helping TBI’ers is 2d, close to heart, but wheelchairs is #1. Realized this after smoking in garage
11. same night as, later, Kuni in tbi chat and I talked about right eye surgery, Christmas eve/midnight, led to him walking, he felt - look for dr. with experience in kids lazy eye surgery or eye muscle surgery
12. Journal - “you decide” , meaning reader, on God.