Thursday, April 1st - April Fools Day. Still no patches so I am smoking. Jeannie in morning. Good. Gymboree at night. Stopped in the Hobby store next to Gymboree and bought a sailboat for the pond. Will take about 1 week to put together. E-mailed my sister Sue and said only that I “bought a sailboat”. They used to have one. They live real close to Lake Champlain. She e-mailed me back wondering how I was going to sail? I replied “April Fools” and told her it was only a model. Looking forward to seeing her in June for my nieces, Katie, wedding. Butch, from Indian Princesses, e-mailed me on how much he appreciated my journal. Said he even learned a couple things. Hmmmm. I figured out his youngest will still be there, in her last year, when Krissy and I start, in a couple of years. Never did find a patch. If I don’t find them by tomorrow, I’ll have to buy some more.

Friday, April 2d - Jeannie this AM, Good. Still no patches. Have to buy some more. Gymboree at 12:30. Went to the hobby/craft store to look around. Few good ideas. Kites, an off road buggy/model and a rocket that is based on Star Trek. Started a birthday/wish list. 9:30. Late dinner, chicken & dumplings. Cool, Personal Touch called and said no aid this weekend so Karen called Terry and he can work both days. Also cool, Karen found the Patches and I am quitting again tomorrow. Triple cool, just talked to Jim and he was busy working today. Looks like he is working through the weekend and next week too. Good night!!!!! Well I guess I am going out for my last cigarette, EVER.

Saturday, April 3d - No cigarettes! Terry just left, It’s 10:15. He was surprised and pleased by my wiggling my left toes. Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx. Only 2d or 3d time this year. Shared my newest version of my journal. I need his e-mail. I can update him along with everyone else. He brought me new guitar strings! Have to practice today. Curios to see if I can play good with my right arm the way it is. Going to walk today. Curios about that too. Now 10:30. If you are curious, took me 15 minutes to compose and type the 1st ½ of this paragraph. Now 7:30. Just finished dinner. Walking was good too. Could feel my left leg/foot better. Walked a little further than ever before. Can tell it’s probably going to be a long time though, months. Better than years or never though. 9:00. Cool, Jim just called and said he got the internet/Juno working. Exchanged some test e-mail.

Sunday, April 4th - Spent most of the day on the Internet, playing Backgammon among other things. Found this cool site where you are playing other people on the internet. Even have tournaments. Carrie went to a wedding with her boyfriend. Looked very good and grown up. Makes me feel old (in my mind). Got some pictures.

Monday, April 5th - Cool. Had water therapy, cool as usual. Weighed myself while I was there. Weighed 226 lbs. I have lost approximately 30 lbs. in 3 months. 10/15 lbs. to go to get back to my pre- accident weight. If I keep this up, 1 more month of dieting. Decided to have a cookout/fishing party for all my aids and their families on some Saturday in May. Invited Steve (my water therapist) and he’s coming too. 2:30 and Karen is at the store with Carrie. Barb is here with me and Krissy. Another day of Backgammon. Until 9 or 10, then to bed early to make up for the hour I lost last night due to daylight savings time.

Tuesday April 6th - Rick is here and before he leaves, since he says he is going to see Mike, I wanted to make this entry. I really feel that Mike should get a large part of the credit for me doing this journal. Like I entered on 2/22, I was really just killing time. Mike gave me, in large part, the motivation/need to write something down. His last day (so I know now) as it turns out was that day. The day I first dressed/transferred myself at his insistence. THANK YOU MIKE. Rick was good, as usual. Now, 9:30. Actually, the largest part of the credit for this Journal should go to GOD. If you read my second entry, it appropriately gives credit to GOD for my situation/motivation. Before that, I thank Karen and the kids, appropriately also. After them, my aides, Mike, Jeannie, Rich, Victoria and Terry should get most of the credit for me doing as good as I am. Not to forget my mother and mother-in-law. Well, off to Rotary. Rotary was a good presentation on efforts to renew/restore downtown Wadsworth. After Rotary, Karen, Krissy and I got ice cream at the ice cream stand and went to a new park in Wadsworth. Came home and played backgammon till dinner. After dinner I watched American Idol with Karen and went to bed early.

Wednesday, April 7th - Water therapy wore me out. Steve said my legs were getting stronger so he had to work them harder. COOL. My Mom lost at cards in the afternoon. Still no smoking. Karen and I are going out to the movies tonight. Carrie is babysitting. Saw HIDALGO at the movies. Great movie, especially if you like horses or westerns. Cinematography was great. Came home and played poker on the net with Jim. He got his computer and Juno working. Saw John Martin at the movie. Worked with John for several years until our law firm split up a few years ago. Good guy. Promised to send him my journal.

Thursday - April 8th - Jeannie was good as always. Reread my journal (good for my memory). Now it’s lunchtime. Went for a walk/stroll with Karen and Krissy down River Styx. Cool. Went to Gymboree with Karen and Krissy. Home, dinner and cards/computer then bed.

Friday April 9th - Jeanie this AM, then Gymboree. Mom and I taught Carrie how to play Euchre in the afternoon. Her boyfriend tried to teach her and she was confused. Problem solved. 5:30 now everyone is napping. We are coloring Easter eggs this evening. It’s 51 degrees and sunny. Looked at model airplanes to fly at the hobby shop. Decided that my right hand needs to get a little stronger/more flexible first. So the ship is 1st which will be good therapy for my right hand. May not be able to sail it till the ground dries more anyway. Then model airplane or blimp. Other than that, it has been computer, Poker and Backgammon. Still no smoking, except I have cheated and smoked ½ a smoke, very occasionally, 2 or 3 times a day. Should be OK though, did that 16 years ago and still quit.

Saturday, April 10 - Spent most of the day on the computer. Poker and Backgammon. Victoria in the AM, good.

Sunday, April 11 - Easter. Good day for Krissy. Carrie went to Church this AM with Dan. Going to my moms’ this afternoon and church tonight. This morning was very cool with Krissy. She had an Easter egg hunt 1st thing. Very fun to watch from the deck. Then she came inside, found her Easter basket, and she has been busy since. Can’t remember last year. Then, neither could Karen, so some forgetfulness is normal and not due to my TBI. Went to my mom’s for Easter Dinner/lunch. Karen’s’ mom and Walt (my ex-Brother-in law) were there. Played euchre there with Carrie, my mom and Karen. Carrie has recently learned to play. Came home and computed. Had a late sandwich and went to bed. Only 2 one-half cigarettes.

Monday, April 12th - Jeannie in the AM. Good as always. Water therapy in the Morning. Computed in the afternoon. Support group meeting at Edwin Shaw in the evening. Tried playing pool for the 2d time in 2 ½ years. Not very good, but didn’t get frustrated/angry like the 1st time. Problem is trying to shoot left-handed. May have to wait for my right hand to get closer to normal. Saw Ray Tenney and told him I would send him my journal. Just heard that the Grateful Dead are playing Blossom this Summer, have to give Terry a call.

Tuesday, April 13th - Rick this morning. Very Good. Turns out he is a Dead fan. Going to the concert with me/us. Had Ray also. Good counseling session. Lunch at Rotary. Didn’t go to Seville with them due to the rain/cold. Forecast for this weekend is 70 and sunny though. Computer in the afternoon. Took Jim grocery shopping and out to dinner/fast food this evening. He needed a little help and even (unlike usual) asked for it. He is getting $$ this Thursday/Friday from Unemployment. Even though we said it was a gift, he insisted he was going to work it off later this spring. Left foot now feels 90% normal. Overall, a good day. Wow, just counted. This journal has about 2 pages for the first month and, so far, 9 for the 2d.!!!

Wednesday, April 14th - Rick this morning too, then water therapy. Had a couple thoughts on the way home about journal entries. The first was based on the Title of a new book. “The Purpose Driven Life”. I feel strongly like my life now has a purpose. That of giving hope/encouragement to people who are going through what I have been through in the last 2 years as a result of my accident. There was very little hope or encouragement for me and Karen in the very beginning, which is when we needed it most. I feel very fortunate to have gotten this far. I worry about those without as much support as me or not as stubborn as me. I need to help them. The second thing was computers. Mine has been a lifeline for me. Starting with doing my journal and going to being the way I hook up to the outside world. There should be a way to get computers/lessons to those who can benefit. Went to Jim’s after therapy to drop off some cookies that were dropped in our car. Rest of the day has been my journal and computer. It is now 8:00 PM.. Watched TV and went to bed early.

Thursday, April 15 - For the last 15 years this has been TAX day. A day that marked the end, for a while, of my overtime at work and meant more time with my family. Now it is just another day, like any other. Jeannie in the AM. Had her read my entry for yesterday and my prologue. Funny, but she feels the same way about OUR Purpose. Lunchtime - Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx with Karen and Krissy. 4:15. Just got back from the Workers Compensation Doctor. Walked for him with my walker. Interesting, he applauded my “bravery”. I have never thought of it that way. Always attributed it to being stubborn. 8:00. Just done with Gymboree/dinner. Did some minor editing. Computer, then bed.

Friday, April 16th - Was wondering what I was going to put for an entry today, then it hit me. For the last 2+ years I have had no “minds eye”. What I mean is the ability, in my mind, to imagine or picture things. I have laid in bed for the last few mornings trying to picture the rest of my house. The inside of it. I was able to “picture” my last house and the house I grew up in, but not my house. Not any more. I can now “picture” my house interior. It is hard for me to tell you how important that is. I not only felt like I was missing something but that things were not quite “normal”. NOT ANY MORE. COOL. It is like my mind is “waking up”. Now 4:30. Jeannie this AM. Good as usual. Talked to her about making the above entry so she wouldn’t have to wait till Monday to hear the good news. Gymboree at lunchtime and then errands with Karen and Krissy. Dinner then computer and bed. Talked with Jim and he is coming over tomorrow and Sunday to set up our porch, do laundry and visit.

Saturday, April 17th - New aid this morning, Kim. Young (21) and not very experienced but still pretty good. Had her read my journal. Figured it was the best way for her to get up to speed on “me”. She liked it, even said she learned some things by being here. Surprised me but she said they told her it was a good place to work, that she would learn some things. Wonder if they said that a year ago? Jim came over this afternoon. Spent most of the day/night/Sunday morning and afternoon with him. The weather was glorious, 70's and partly cloudy. Lots of outdoors and computer. The cool thing about outdoors is that the ground is finally dry enough for me to go out in my wheelchair. Guess I had better get started on my sailboat.

Sunday, April 18th - As I mentioned above, Jim was here for the morning and afternoon. Got our porch/deck furniture set up. More outdoors and computer. Same great weather. Then we went to Church. Had an interesting insight on the way home from church. When I was a teenager and stopped going to church, it was because I thought, as most (including mine) teenagers do, I knew it all. Back then, God is Truth was good enough for me. Not anymore. Of course we could debate this one, and I would enjoy that. Now I believe God is better than the truth. However, truth applied for the betterment of mankind is a very righteous thing. The best way we have found to do that, I think, is democracy.

Monday, April, 19th - Mid-afternoon for me. Water therapy this AM. Good. I can tell I am stronger and can do more therapy than in the past. Tires me out though. Had a couple insights on the way home. First is it was very important for us, took a year+ , to build a good team of aides and helpers. Seems like we always had 1 good person and then lost them for various reasons. Now, with my water therapist and morning aides, I have a team of 4 people I am very happy with. Further, I am not afraid of asking them for help. Used to be, before my accident, I was the one with the help. Lucky me. Like I said, it did take a year and a few months. Second thing was I will never be able to look at people the same way I used to. Before, everyone was “normal” or not. I could relate to the “normal” ones. Everyone else got ignored. Now, everyone may be “abnormal” for a good reason, be it stroke, accident or whatever. Now I am the one who often gets ignored because I am different and people don’t want to deal with it. Ballinger House board meeting tonight at the Chapel. Looking forward to it and the “house” in general. May be somewhere I’ll be able to help some people.

Tuesday, April 20th - Day off from therapy for me. Rich this morning, good. Went out in the yard to show him how good my chair handled it. Rotary for lunch then, in the afternoon, GOLF. Edwin Shaw has what they call a “challenger” golf course. Karen signed me up for lessons. Apparently, they are used to people in wheelchairs trying to golf. Will find out exactly how this afternoon. Last night, got the e-mails for the Ballinger House board members so I can share my journal. They were talking about some way to put it, or excerpts from it, on their web page. Scary. Just back from the Challenger golf course. Very cool. Looks like I will be able to GOLF this summer. Maybe left handed, still have to work that one out, and probably not very good to start with, but I still will be golfing. Cool. Just decided that I just had my last cigarette ever. 9:15 PM Computer for a while, then bed.

Wednesday, April 21st - Just got done with my pulley. Vicky this AM. Good, Good stretching. Monday, Jeannie found some pages on the web that covered the importance of stretching before exercise and how to do it. She knew it but found it for Karen and me. Stretching is something Vicki was always good with. Back to my pulleys. Up until today, my right arm was always just along for the ride. Today, I could feel (a little) it pulling my left arm. Cool. Water therapy today. 2:00. As usual Steve wore me out and I slept all the way home (30 mins.). My mom is here so Karen can nap. Karen is going to Toledo tomorrow to look at a pony for Krissy. Sounds good over the phone. After dinner, it was computer then TV and bed.

Thursday, April 22d - Last night, at 10:00, the Agency called and told us that Jeannie was sick, so no aid. We called Terry and, fortunately, he could cover it. He was coming over in the late morning anyway due to Karen going to Toledo. Told him about our Dead tickets. He’s excited too. Bummer, no patches. We are out. Rick was supposed to leave Karen a note on Tuesday to tell her. Somebody messed up. Yesterday was my 1st entirely smoke free (no cheating) day in a while too. Hmmm. 9:00 and I just smoked a couple of butts. Oh well. Now it’s 8:00 PM. Have smoked several ½ cigarettes. 6 or 7 total. Karen just went to get me more patches. Tomorrow will be the day. Terry was here all day. Cool. Giving him our old porch furniture. Practiced the guitar while he was here. Left hand was good. Right just needs some more practice. Karen just called the Agency and Jeannie is coming tomorrow.

Friday, April 23 - Jeannie just left. Good as usual. Had ½ a smoke but went to the last (weakest) patches and it doesn’t bother me that much. That means in 1 or 2 weeks I’ll be an ex-smoker. Cool. Planning for my party and Memorial day weekend may be a problem for her. Will know more on Monday. Karen went to Gymboree without me, at my request. Computed till after lunch, then played cards with my mom. Had an argument with my mom over the pony for Krissy. She did not think Karen would have time to take care of it. I told her to let us worry about that. Bought dinner at a drive-thru and went to Hubbard Valley Park. It is approx. 200 acre park with about a 50 acre lake. Went there a lot last year. Beautiful. Sun set around 8:00/8:30. Cool.

Saturday, April 24th - Victoria this AM., Good. Only smoked ½ a cigarette. Karen and Krissy went to look at a pony, so Terry is here. Went for a walk/stroll down River Styx. Weather was great,. 60's and sunny. Smoked 2 more ½ cigarettes. Karen got home at 7:30. We own a new pony! Now I have to get Jim busy on the fence. We will board the pony for a month. That’s how long he has. Cool. That means that, for my party, we’ll have pony (s)/pasture/barn and the kids should love it.

Sunday, April 25th - Also Victoria this AM, good. Have smoked ½ a cigarette., but I only had 4 or 5 ½ cigarettes yesterday. Considering I went to the smallest patch at the same time, I am pretty happy with myself. Carrie is going to church with Dan. Cool. We are going tonight, as usual. Just got Louis’s e-mail and sent him my journal. Lou was/is my best friend. Lived near each other growing up and went to school together and have stayed in touch for all these years. Played a lot of poker/pool with Lou, that’s for sure. Don’t know if I’ve talked about it here or not, but my dad had a pool table and my house was one of the “hang outs” for my class after High School. Pool and poker were the usual ways to pass time.. That and Rock’n’Roll. Haven’t seen him much since my accident, couple of times, but he is busy with his own family. 9:30. Just got home from church/Bible study. Have not really talked about this here either. Religion. Although I have mentioned God, I have not really talked about it’s influence on me. During my stay at Edwin Shaw, I got the strong feeling I had been touched by God. Of course, I prayed I would get better. But I did get the feeling I had been “touched”. I also got very interested in Religion. I wanted to “track down” the source of my “feeling”. I talked with the Preacher they had on staff and went to their services. I even tried a couple of churches they shuttled to. But, my mother-in-law was active at the “Chapel” and, after trying services there a couple times, felt as if I had found the place/people who could get me in contact with God. I have now gone to services there for a little over a year. There is just something about Knute Larson and his Church that appeals to me. Now, Karen and I go to the Sunday night services because we both really like the Christian Rock they have. Carrie even went tonight and went to a younger Bible study group and liked both the services and the Bible study. They also have classes for 3 year olds that Kristen likes too. Now, Sunday nights/Church will be a family thing. Cool.

Monday, April 26th - Jeanie this AM. Told her something new that just happened this AM. My “minds eye” is now fully functional. This AM, I was able to “picture” the views to our front and back yards. Further, I was able to imagine myself at various spots and “picture” them. Further yet, I could remember my trips to the mall, etc. and “picture” them too. I can tell this is somehow related to the improvement in my memory. COOL. Water therapy at 11:00. Good , as usual. I can tell I am getting stronger. So can Steve because he is pushing me more each time. Just read an article in the Brain Injury Association of America’s spring newsletter by the “Central Park Jogger”. She is also a TBI survivor. Interesting, but I feel pretty much the same way. As she says “I had been thinking that what happened to me, and my recovery, was really a gift, and I wanted to share it and let people know that we can all do so much more than we ever thought was possible.” Around 10:00. Just finished dessert. Dinner was awhile ago. Have had 4 or 5 ½ cigarettes today. All in all, I am happy with my progress in quitting smoking. Got an e-mail from Louis. He liked my journal. Have also been e-mailing the priest at Edwin Shaw. He is starting a volunteer chaplain training program and wants me to participate. After the program, I may then be able to talk to/help patients. COOL. He also wants me to participate in/possibly help lead a “community link” program. Also Cool. Well, I’m up to page 15 and it has been around 2 months since I started this journal. That means a little less than ½ a page/day for the last month. Hope I’m not boring you. There is a little more not included here. This is the “G” rated version of my journal. There is a version where I include comments on my __x life. Another page or so. Around 10:30 now. Time for one last 1/2 a smoke then computer and bed. Rick tomorrow at 7.

Tuesday, April 27th - Joyce. That is the name of a worker at Edwin Shaw who, I think, epitomizes their good attitude. No matter what, as far as I could tell, she had a cheery hello and you could tell she truly cared about you. A very important thing when you are surrounded by uncertainty and not sure which way to turn. Just got back from an employee party/luncheon there we were invited to. Very glad I got to see/talk to her. Worth much more, I think, then she is paid, a little more than minimum wage. But she has been there for a long time and enjoys it. You can tell. Rick this morning. Good as usual. Ray’s this morning too. Good counseling session. Now, it is 2 PM and Karen is napping. Waiting for Carrie to come home in about an hour. Read my journal and really feel it (reading it) helps my memory. Soup and sandwiches for a late dinner. Then computer/journal/cards with Karen until bed.

Wednesday, April 28th - Vickie overslept this AM so Karen had to fill in. Edie came for an hour at 9. She used to come regularly until a few months ago. Water therapy this morning. Good as usual. Thought of a couple things this morning I want to add to my journal. First, I am 6 ft 3 inches. Hence, the title. 2d is some facts from braininjury.com 1)Patients over 40 have a poorer rate of recovery from coma 2)Absence of eye opening in the first 30 days is indicative of a poor prognosis 3)90% of patients who are vegetative for one month or longer will fail to improve to a state better than severe disability. Only 7% of patients with my severity of coma end up with a moderate disability or good recovery. All of which confirms that I am one lucky guy! In the top 7%!!! Computer and backgammon for most of the day. Did it. It’s 7PM and Karen took Carrie and Kristen to the tack shop. I went out to the garage and smoked my last couple of butts. Oh well. That means tomorrow will have to be my 1st entirely smoke free day in a while. I will say that, all things considered, I am still happy with my progress in quitting. Computer, then bed.

Thursday, April 29th - Jeannie this AM. Good as usual. Caught her up on my journal. She agreed with getting non-profit $$ as one of our focuses. Also computers for the disabled. Also caught her and me up on my e-mail. Very affirming to me. People seem to be touched by my journal. Seems to me that Gods’ plan is working. Seems as if I’ve been relearning some very basic things. For example, just realized this last night, but I had “forgotten” that wiggling my legs decreased my need to urinate. Now this seems trivial, but it resulted not only in some wet pants for me and embarrassment, but also fear. Fear that I would wet myself/embarrass myself anytime I had to urinate. More than that, that I wasn’t in control and everybody could or would be able to tell. Not anymore! Now, sometimes I did it unintentionally, but the trick was doing it intentionally. Wow, almost 2 years and 3 months since my accident and I am just now figuring out how to urinate. Something I probably learned when I was 2 or 3 years old. The mind is an amazing thing. Now this may sound a bit egotistical, but I do feel this way. Anymore, I feel like GOD is my partner. Not an entity I am subservient to but an entity which, by it’s choice, chooses to look at me as an equal. I have had many law partners over the years and I look at my marriage as a partnership. Both with my law firms and marriage, we are all equally responsible and all share an equal amount of the risks and rewards. I feel like GOD wants to be my partner too. Keep in mind, I feel this is all by his/her/its’ choice for me to look at things this way. I feel IT (GOD) thinks that looking at things this way is best for me and it loves me, like I love it. One thing is for sure, God is beyond my comprehension. Just cheated and smoked a couple of butts. Overall though, still feel like I’m not doing that bad.

Friday, April 30th - PONY DAY. Karen left this AM to pick up Krissy’s new pony, up near Toledo. Jeanie in the AM plus Terry at 9 for the rest of the day. Lots of Computer plus my guitar. Terry even brought over his guitar and re-strung mine. Playing was not as rough as the first time. Even felt like good therapy for my right arm. Long way to go to get back to my pre-accident status though. Will be fun therapy. Karen got home with the pony around dinnertime. After some fast food, we went to the barn. Karen was able to open up a sliding door at the end of the barn and backed our van up so I could watch them with the side door of the van slid open. Very, very cool. The word which best describes watching the two of them together with Krissy riding her new pony is ‘priceless’. The bonding of the two of them over the pony was way cool. I was, very much, thanking God just for the privilege of being there to see it and a few minutes later I got a flash/idea regarding my therapy. My water therapy for the last couple of sessions has run into a problem doing my normal therapy with my left ankle as “frozen” as it is. Steve mentioned yesterday that they may not continue my water therapy beyond next week, that he was going to measure my changes Monday and file them with the State. It would be up to them how long, if at all, I got extended for. The idea I had was to get a specialist. Even if we pay for it, I think we have stumped Steve on my left ankle. I think a specialist is not only needed, I think it would motivate Steve and the State, by and large, follows his recommendation. I got the idea/flash right after Krissy rode Zip, while I was waiting in the van for them for a few minutes and felt strongly my idea was somehow related to my thankfulness to God. Hmmm. Home and some cards, then bed.