Chaplain's Corner

November 2004

I used to believe that the brain injury I suffered in 1980 was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. In recent years I have come to believe differently about suffering through the initial confusion and pain then, and the everyday reminders of that brain injury today. Yes, I still am frustrated by double vision, forgetfulness, getting stressed out on a regular basis, etc. And, the brain injury negatively affects any other problem I might be experiencing.

Yet, I can say without hesitation that my life is better and deeper because of the brain injury. For it brought me to the end of myself and caused me to reach out to God. Jesus tells us that we must be born again, from above. I am now convinced that almost dying from the accident and brain injury I experienced almost a quarter century ago, gave me a sense of what it means to be “born again”.

I don’t remember anything about the first six weeks of my hospital stay except that I recognized my two main therapists when I returned to the hospital to visit three months after leaving. It was like I had to start all over. I had to learn to walk, to eat, to control my bladder, and to use my right side in those first months. I was still in the same body, but I didn’t know this new person. Things that once were done with little or no thought or effort became major hurdles to get over.

As I was blessed with an almost complete physical recovery, I then placed more effort on trying to get my mind back. The only way I felt that that would happen was to try to control everything I could, but “could” was an ever-changing proposition. I tried to live like before the brain injury, taking life as it came, reacting to situations. I could try, but things would never be the same. I often thought of myself as Humpty Dumpty, singing to myself in my head, “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpy together again.”

After nine and a half years of struggling to be reborn into the man I had been before my brain injury, I was ready to be born again from above. I met Jesus Christ through reading the book of Mark in the New Testament. And I knew I needed Jesus in my heart and life. I invited Him in to be the center of my life. My life didn’t change completely overnight. But my heart was changed as God used the suffering and trials of life to draw me unto Him.

Since then I have been through many high and low points. Slowly over the years it has become clear how much I want to follow after God with all of my heart. I am lost without Him. There are times when all I can pray is “Help!”. Yet, most of the time, my prayers are of thanksgiving and joy.

I have grown up physically twice. First when I was born. Second, twenty years later after suffering brain injury. Then, my heart experienced a spiritual rebirth in 1989. Now, in 2004, I am truly thankful for all of the suffering and trials. Suffering lasts only for a time, but eternal joy is forever!

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